Carol shows up at the bowling alley, trying to cajole Ed into a little batting practice down at the batting cages. The town is covered in snow, and she wants to go hit some balls. It's something she hasn't done since she kicked Nick Stanton to the curb, and I meant that with plenty of puns intended. Ed agrees to go because he's still whipped like a bad puppy when it comes to Carol.
Ed and Carol get to the cages, and Carol tells him to watch and learn. Ed says that he has something to tell her. Carol says that she knows she looks like Robocop with the batting helmet on; she's heard it all before. He tells Carol that whatever he had with Bonnie is over. Carol says that's great, and asks if he's free for Valentine's Day, because she and Molly are having a pathetic little loser party for people with no dates on Valentine's Day. He agrees to come to their party, probably because the concept of such a party just reeks of a Molly and Carol sandwich to any half-intelligent man. She continues her batting practice, and Ed blurts out that he slept with Bonnie. This frazzles Carol a bit, but she plays it off like it doesn't really bother her at all. But, deep inside, Carol's ovaries are just itching for a little Ed juice, if you get my drift and only the most ignorant of you wouldn't. Carol wishes both Ed and Bonnie a hearty congratulations, and then swings at the next ball with all the fury of Lizzie Borden swinging that ax.
Back in the bowling alley, Phil is ready to teach Chuck how to pick up women. Using Shirley as his practice woman, Phil tells Chuck to start talking to her. Chuck manages to utter, "Hi, I'm Chuck. How are you today?" when Phil yells "Stop!" Chuck asks what's wrong, and Phil says, "How do I put this? Everything!" Phil gives Chuck some breathing tips, and then asks to see Chuck's walk. Phil says that Chuck's walk is all wrong: he prances like a cute little bunny. Phil shows him the cool walk that looks like a man stalking his prey. Then Phil bounces around Chuck, looking like a drunken marionette. I vow to follow Michael Ian Black's (Phil's) career until the day I die, or he quits getting gigs because he's one strange duck. ["He's in an upcoming movie that did well at Sundance, called Wet Hot American Summer. Seriously!" -- Wing Chun]
Ed walks into his office, and there's Bonnie, sitting in a chair and wearing a hat that can only be described as a combination of the butt-ugliest hat ever shown on television with frozen vomit on a stick. It actually had horns on it. Horns, I'm tellin' ya. Bonnie explains that when she was a little girl and had been bad, her Mother made her wear a hideously ugly hat called "The Hat of Shame." My question: has Ed done any research to determine that Bonnie's last name may actually be "Crawford"? I doubt it. Bonnie says that she wears this hat for Ed, and feels bad about blowing him off earlier in the episode. She's worried that she may have come off kinda bitchy to the audience at home watching her, especially any fat, middle-aged white guys that have to recap this show for Mighty Big TV, the best G.D. TV recapping website in the history of the internet. ["Fuckin' A!" -- Wing Chun] Ed asks whether that's the same hat she wore as a child, and Bonnie says it isn't, and that she had to shop all day to find the most hideous hat in Stuckeyville. Ed believes her, which turns out to be a major advancement in their relationship. Bonnie asks Ed if he's ever been so nervous and confused after spending the night trading sex juices with someone for the first time that he acted like a total nasty-assed bitch the next day. Ed, nice guy that he is, probably hasn't, but acts like he has. Bonnie wants to make up for being such a cold-hearted snake in City Hall by cooking him dinner for Valentine's Day. She plans on cooking him a dinner that will make his head explode. Somehow, I don't doubt that. She'd probably orgasm while watching someone's head explode. The damned black widow in human form, that's what Bonnie Hane is. Ed says he already had plans, sliding around satin sheets with Carol and Molly, but he'll cancel those plans to come and let his head explode at Bonnie's.