Ed
Wheel Of Justice

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Rumors Of Ed's Demise Are Hardly Exaggerated

Back at the alley, Phil and Kenny are inspecting the gaggle of clowns that have answered the newspaper ad. Phil tells them to take a look to the left and then a look to the right. He informs them that the people on either side of each of them won't be there long. He then instructs them to begin a series of clowning exercises, and watches them "clown." He tells them that, over the next several days, they will be weeded out until only one of them remains; that clown will have the heart, mind, and will to become the official clown of Stuckey Bowl on weekends. A Korean clown asks if this will really take days. Phil snaps and says that, yes, it will take days, and if anyone has a problem with that, they can start walking right now. Nearly all of the clowns walk away. Phil laments about the days when wearing the big clown shoes meant something to clowns. Today it just means you're one clumsy asshole.

Meanwhile, Mike brings a poster into his waiting room and marks the occasion of his hanging the first poster in the waiting room. I think Mike's taking this all a little too seriously. A suave gentleman walks in and introduces himself as Jack Foster. He says that knowledge is his business, and that he's an "opener." I wish he'd open Nancy's legs myself, and take this show to a late-night Cinemax type of atmosphere, but who am I to complain? Jack opens new businesses -- everything from radio stations to shopping malls; he coordinates the publicity that a new business oh so desperately needs. He promises Mike that, with his help, he can get this place jumping like Mardi Gras. This is such a coincidence, because I was just thinking the other day that a good name for a bar band who played party rock and roll would be Marty Graw. Marty Graw, Mardi Gras....get it?! I mean...hellooo?! Is that a mental shout-out or what? Anyway, Mike says that he doesn't need Jack's opening techniques, and that sort of nonsense is considered voodoo and is the work of the debbil. Jack insists that Mike desperately needs Jack Foster Consulting and that Mike will be the medical equivalent of New Coke if he doesn't step up to the plate and accept Jack's help. Mike still declines, so Jack decides to work on Nancy, and not the way I wish he would. He asks Nancy if she has the common sense to see that this medical practice desperately needs Jack's assistance. Nancy pulls a Tammy Wynette and stands by her man, saying that whatever Mike wants, he gets. Jack hisses and recoils and says that when these two get their shit together, they should give him a call.

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Ed

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