Window Of Opportunity

Episode Report Card
Uncle Bob: C- | Grade It Now!
A Big Mac, Large Order of Fries and a Big Ol' Can of Whoop Ass, Please

Back to the show, everyone is congratulating Ari and Barbara on their new engagement. "Ed, we want to get married here in Stuckey Bowl on Saturday night, and everyone's invited," Ari says, to more whooping and hollering. Ed reluctantly agrees. It bothers the hell out of him that these kids are getting married because the guy bowled a strike. Carol still finds it romantic, but it's eating away at Ed like a parasite.

Out in the streets, Warren, Mark, and Gavin are walking down Stuckey Avenue. Warren's talking smack about how to handle a woman, since he's actually been on a date with Donna now and thinks he's Stuckeyville's answer to Dr. Drew. Mark says he's full of crap. Warren says that jealousy doesn't suit Mark. Mark thinks he didn't lay his hands on her. Warren says he's too much of a gentleman to say whether or not he got any nookie, which automatically means he didn't. Gavin chimes in with the fact that he saw a show on HBO once where a woman had a ninety-minute orgasm. I had no idea my wife had a show on HBO. All of a sudden, Donna and a friend come bursting out of a store and walk up to the Geek Patrol. Warren tells his buddies to be cool, As Donna gets near, Warren says, "Heyyyyy, Donna." She just totally blows him off with a "hi" and keeps going. Mark busts a gut (which is a scary thought, considering this kid must weigh four hundred pounds easily) and tells Warren that she must still be shuddering from his touch. Warren's pissed. If there's a machine gun and a clock tower nearby, this whole episode might get pretty gory any second now.

Back at the alley, Ari gives Ed his shoes to keep in a safe place until Saturday when...oh holy shit...this kid's getting married in bowling shoes. Jeezum! Can't the kids of Stuckeyville discover sex and drugs like the rest of America's teens and get over this whole bowling fad thing? Ed says, "So you two are really going through with this, huh?" Ari says he bowled a strike, and that was fate, and "you can't turn your back on fate." They're twenty-two and have known each other six months. ["Hey! I was twenty-two when I got married. I didn't do it in bowling shoes, though." -- Wing Chun] Ed tells them not to do this. He advises them to get married because they love each other and can't live without each other and want to grow old together...not because Ari bowled a strike. Ari tells Ed he's forgetting something...he bowled a strike. Ed quickly realizes he's dealing with one of the village idiot's apprentices and just stares at the kid. For comic relief, Kenny walks up and asks the happy couple whether they'll be needing a "chupah." Okay...I'm not exactly sure what the word was. It was a Yiddish term. It didn't make me laugh, but was supposed to send all the Jewish viewers into stitches.

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