Window Of Opportunity

Episode Report Card
Uncle Bob: C- | Grade It Now!
A Big Mac, Large Order of Fries and a Big Ol' Can of Whoop Ass, Please

Walking down the street, Carol wants to know how the wedding plans are going. Ed says they're going all right, but he really wishes these two would wait. Carol wants to know when Ed gave up on the concept of spontaniety in love. Gee, Carol...Uncle Bob here...but I would think it was right around the time you shunned the shit out of him every time he tried to woo you with some crazy hare-brained scheme. Ed just wants them to wait, and not to make the same mistake he made with his wife. Carol asks how Ed and his wife met. They were set up by an old friend; it was love at first sight, and they got engaged four months later. Years later, they knew they hadn't done the right thing. Ed drives the subject into the ground when he hears Jamie call his name. Jamie's getting a mid-mid-mid-afternoon snack at the Stuckeyville Hot Dog Cart. Ed introduces Carol to Jamie, and Jamie draws a mental image of Carol smothered in rich gooey chocolate with sprinkles on top. Jamie thanks Ed for giving him his life back. There comes a time when you have to realize that you are who you are. He's overweight and he's happy that way. Just then, we hear a loudspeaker saying, "Ladies and gentlemen, please direct your attention to the giant fat guy in the blue windbreaker. My God, would you look at that fat bastard eat! Does this look like the kinda guy that needs to be pounding down hot dogs? Eat you fat bastard...eat!"

Naturally, it's the voice of Steve. He's gone to the trouble of mounting speakers on his car to humiliate his brother further. Jamie hollers that he's abusing the restraining order, and Steve says, "Screw the restraining order!" Jamie gets huffy and almost hyperventilates, telling Ed that he is now going to sue his brother. He wants it all -- he wants to recoup the damages, he wants emotional damages, the works. Ed tells him he'll take care of it. Jamie tucks the hot dog into one of his chins for consumption later and storms off.

Back at the bowling alley, Phil is quizzing the young lovebirds to make sure they're fully prepared for the big day. He whether they've had their blood tests yet. They say that they plan on going to the clinic later that day. Phil, always the gentleman, says they can bypass the clinic and go see an old summer-camp buddy of his who works at a filling station and will fix them right up. Now that cracked me up. A greasy mechanic performing a blood test on these kids...that's comedy, kids. Ed and Carol walk up and say hi, Phil tells the kids to "beep [him]" about the blood test. Ari tells Ed and Carol that they've come up with the best idea: they're going to have Colonel Sanders be Ari's best man. Carol asks, "Isn't he dead?" and Ari says, "No. You're thinking of Arthur Treacher." That's two shining examples in a row of why Ed is such a great show: the blood-testing mechanic and the dumb kid who thinks Colonel Sanders will accompany him to the altar.

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