Ed
Window Of Opportunity

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Uncle Bob: C- | Grade It Now!
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A Big Mac, Large Order of Fries and a Big Ol' Can of Whoop Ass, Please

In his office, Ed says he doesn't think he can go through this and have anything to do with this wedding. Ed then goes on and on about how dumb this whole thing is and that the kids should wait. Jesus, Ed...we get it. You've now given exactly the same speech about four times in this episode already. The kids aren't taking the act of marriage as seriously as you would like. 10-4, you smarmy bastard. WE GET IT. Carol says that Ed's missing the point. The point is that it's not a bad thing to want Colonel Sanders at your wedding. It's a bad thing if only one of you wants the Colonel at your wedding. Phil struts in, saying that the kids got to him. He let down his guard and they nabbed him. He's agreed to take care of the catering free of charge. And if either one of them repeats that, he will get them. There are people in this town that must believe that Phil Stubbs is a "soulless merchant of fear." Ed snickers, but Phil flashes that soulless merchant of fear look. Ed's chuckles taper off when he realizes that Phil's serious.

In the hallway at school, Warren catches up to Donna and proceeds to ask her out; it takes him about thirty minutes to cough it up. She agrees to go out with him, and he confirms that she understands that when he says "go out," he means on a date, not just going out as friends. She's clear on that. He says that Mark said that his "window" was closed, but he's glad to find out it's not. She says she'll see him Saturday night, and walks away. Warren is so giddy, he walks away in the wrong direction.

Commercials. Oh! A live surprise! Some lady gave up her son thirty-three years ago for adoption and she's about to see him for the first time at an airport! Here's the big surprise...her son now has a child of his own! Mother sheds tears, son looks uncomfortable, baby looks bored.

Back in court, Steve is being charged with violating his restraining order. Steve says that Jamie signed the contract, and that no matter how much he protests, Jamie wanted Steve to keep pushing him. Jamie knew that his will would weaken and that he would need Steve to stay on his fat ass. Ed says that even though he signed the contract, Jamie never thought Steve would go this far. Public humiliation, destruction of property...surely there must be a law preventing these types of actions. The judge says they'll start the trial tomorrow in the case of The Fat Guy vs. His Brother.

In the Stuckeyville Pharmacy, Warren, Mark, and Gavin are doing some shopping for Warren's big date that evening. Warren's debating over shaving gels when Mark throws a box of condoms into his basket. Warren freaks out and tells Mark that there's no need for condoms; they're only going to the movies. Mark doesn't listen, and reminds Warren that these are the condoms that actor Jeff Goldblum uses...he read it himself in Esquire. Jeff Goldblum. The guy's got a fairly large nose, big feet...something tells me that Warren couldn't fill Jeff Goldblum's condoms. Call it a hunch. Warren takes the basket to the counter, and the lady pulls out all the items and lines them up on the counter, including the condoms. She looks at them, grabs the store microphone, and says "I need a price check over here..." Warren practically swallows his tongue, saying "No! NO!" Then the lady finishes her sentence: "How much is the Ultra-Gel Shaving Gel?" Once again, Mark gets a big kick out of Warren's misfortunes. Y'know...for a big-assed virgin, Mark sure is tallying up the chuckles at Warren's expense. Yo, Marko Polo...until you reach the day where you can even find your pecker buried in that soft mountain of crotch flesh, I'd lay off the Ches. He's obviously getting more pseudo-tail than your fat ass could hope for right now.

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Ed

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