Ed
Ed

Episode Report Card
Uncle Bob: C+ | 429 USERS: C+
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Your Life Is Now

That evening, Carol's getting ready for her big date with Troy and entertaining Molly at the same time. Carol's nervous because she doesn't want Troy's perfect life jammed down her throat, what with his perfect wife and kids, his Portugeuse Water Dog, and his job selling pharmaceuticals. "God, I hope he's bald," she tells Molly. Molly asks whether she's happier now, or when she was the prom queen and had it all. Carol says that she's happier now. Molly says that should count for something. Carol asks whether she should wear an outfit or an ensemble, totally blowing off the happiness theory.

Mike and Nancy show up at the bowling alley and Ed asks them whether they remember Troy McCallum. They think for a second and both remember him. Mike grins big and says that Ed should have a "Mighty Dog" of a reason to remember Troy. As it turns out, in high school, Troy forced Ed to eat a can of dog food in front of all the popular kids in school. That mean-spirited little prank stuck with Ed for all these years and now, finally, Ed is about to get his revenge. He's made some "pâté" for Troy's and Carol's date...except that the pâtéis dog food. Ed is giddy with himself as he has seemed to come up with yet another act of revenge that will destroy yet another person's day. Mike looks at the dog food spread evenly across a cracker and says "Hey Ed. I'll give you ten dollars if..." Before Mike can finish his sentence, Ed has popped a cracker loaded down with dog food into his mouth and is chewing away contently, waiting for his ten dollars. "He's good. The kid's good," Mike grins as he forks over ten bucks.

At the Smiling Goat, Carol nervously waits for Troy to show up. When he does, he effortlessly breezes into the bar, shaking hands all the way to his table. They hug and after some small talk, Troy asks her to catch him up to where they left off. Carol says, "Fine," and reminds him that they left off with his dumping her to go out with her best friend. Troy smiles sheepishly and hopes the smile is still enough to get him off the hook. Ed walks in and does his best Ted Baxter impersonation to greet Carol and Troy. Carol introduces Ed, and Troy asks whether Ed had a mohawk in high school. Ed says he didn't, but that he remembers Troy. Troy was the big man on campus, the football superstar, the head dog. Troy smiles uncomfortably and then proposes a toast, among the three of them, to Stuckeyville.

Back at the bowling alley, Stuckeyville High Christmas Party is in full swing. Warren is hanging with his nerd buddies while Jessica flits around with her friends. Warren's friends tell Warren to talk the talk and walk the walk and go speak to Jessica. Warren, showing the courage of a thousand men, walks up to Jessica and initiates conversation. Everything's going smoothly until some jocks walk up. One of the jocks sarcastically calls Warren a "hero" for his escapade in the diner. Warren denies that he's a hero but the jock keeps pushing the fact with him. "You're a loser, but you're a hero," the jock smirks, eliciting laughter from the other jocks. Warren stands there and takes the subtle abuse before replying, "I'm no hero. But you -- you're awesome," he tells the jock. The jock seems uncomfortable with Warren's praise and squeaks out, "Whatever, man." But Warren pushes it -- not just for himself but for every loser who's ever been on the receiving end of a surly jock's smarmy attitude. "No really, man," Warren says. "You can really throw a football," making the jock's successes on the football field sound incredibly lame. "You have a rifle instead of an arm," he says, inching closer to the jock. "We should call you...the Rifleman!! Yeah! Hey everyone, look at the Rifleman's muscles! What do you press, Rifleman? Two hundred? Two-twenty? What's the matter, Rifleman? You have such big pec muscles, you should be proud! You are...The Rifleman!" The Rifleman realizes how stupid Warren is making him sound, since a crowd has gathered to listen as Warren heaps false praise on him. He begans to slink away after warning Warren that he's going to kick his ass.

Ed

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