Carol walks up and puts her hand on Warren's shoulder. She's everywhere! Carol overheard Mark saying that Warren is getting a tattoo. Warren points out that he's not the only Warren in the world. Carol's not buying it. Warren says that Carol may not be aware, but "tattoos are very popular among the younger set." Carol asks Warren how old he thinks she is, and then gets back on topic. Carol is trying to look out for Warren, because he can't wash off the tattoo when he gets sick of it. Warren says that he knows how permanent they are, and that if he regrets his tattoo when he's forty, it will just mean that he's wrong when he's forty. He's young and in love, and his life is "an orange dream waiting to be picked." He never wants to forget the feeling. Warren thanks Carol for "the Afterschool Special," and walks off.
Molly walks into the bowling alley after closing. Phil asks what's going on. Molly says that they have a test that week, and Phil is going to pass. Phil says that he's "a right-brain guy," and doesn't know anything about science. Molly announces that she's going to tutor him, if he's willing to buckle down and pay attention. Phil says that he's in. Cue the Wacky Phil Learning Montage, set to "Teacher, Teacher" by Rockpile.
"I Can't Go For That" by Hall and Oates plays as Warren and Mark enter the tattoo parlor. Why are they always tattoo parlors and not tattoo pagodas? Warren walks up to the tattoo artist and says that he wants a "spiritual, mystical, shamanistic" tattoo. Shouldn't he be getting carded? Warren looks at the catalog. Mark suggests a pentagram. Warren wants something that says "forever" or "eternity." Warren realizes that he wants the mathematical symbol for eternity. Mark and the tattoo artist don't know what that looks like, so Warren draws it. In case you don't know, it looks like the number eight lying on its side. Cut to Warren, in a lot of pain, getting the tattoo on his shoulder. Mark asks if the artist also does henna. Suddenly Booger (a.k.a. Papa Cheswick) comes running in and demands that the artist drop the needle. Papa Cheswick says that Carol called him. Carol is such a busybody. Papa Cheswick asks Mark why he didn't stop Warren. Mark protests that he's a civil libertarian. Papa Cheswick wants to see the tattoo. Warren shows him, and of course, it's the number eight. Papa Cheswick starts to hustle Warren out, but the tattoo artist demands payment. Papa Cheswick refuses to pay, and drags Warren out by the arm.
Ed sits in the bar, drinking. Carol the Narc walks in and sits next to him. Ed tells her that the Youth Bandits reunion tour is cancelled, and that Carol was right, but he's sad. Carol says that every seventeen-year-old kid wants to grow up to be a rock star, but most of them wise up and grow out of it. Ed wonders why we refer to it as "wising up," and act condescending toward our younger selves. Because we were goofy? Have you read Wing's Bad Teen Novel? ["Seriously." -- Wing Chun] Anyway, Ed thinks that our younger selves were full of passion, and we should be in awe. But we're not, and that's tragic. Carol asks Ed what he wanted to be at seventeen. Ed wanted to be a pitcher for the Cincinnati Reds. Carol asks why he didn't do that. Ed says that he wasn't good enough. Carol points out that Ed was smart enough to realize that, so he went to college, and then law school. Carol concludes that the seventeen-year-old Ed had to sacrifice a few dreams so that the thirty-two-year-old Ed could have "a really good life." Carol says that Larry did the same thing, but the tragedy is that he died at thirty-two. Ed isn't sure, and thinks that part of Larry died at seventeen. The sad oboe plays a single note to take us to the commercial break.