Eli Stone
Heal The Pain

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Eli: Dragonlawyer of the Firm

Eli meets his client, Peter Johnson, and it's a fifteen-year-old kid. Peter tells Eli that he googled him and that his name is all over the law blogs. Is that an Arrested Development shout out? Eli makes a joke about Peter wanting to sue the cafeteria to put French fries back on the menu. Eli, dude, you're in San Francisco. If anything, the kid would be suing to take fries off the menu to be replaced with Dirty Girl carrot sticks and June Taylor Meyer lemon marmalade. "My mom died," Peter buzzkills. He wants to sue the doctor who killed her. When his mom went in for a routine hernia operation last year, the anesthesiologist, Dr. Agon, didn't check her charts, gave her the wrong anesthesia, and his mom had a heart attack on the table. Peter has plunked a very thick file on the table. He's been to six lawyers already. "So you know what I'm about to tell you?" Eli asks. "Malpractice is very difficult to prove," Peter nods. Peter's dad isn't involved in any of this, because it was always just Peter and his mom and now it's just Peter and his grandmother. Peter goes on about other cases that got seven figure settlements, and he knows that with Eli and the firm's resources behind them -- Eli interrupts Peter to break the news that he got "kind of demoted," and the firm won't let him take on new cases. But then! Eli's eye and finger fall on the name of the anesthesiologist, "Dr. Agon." (Yes, I know I spelled it out before, but this is the first time Eli's seeing it spelled out, and now he no longer needs his vision spelled out, you dig?) "Dragon," Eli says. "No, his name's Agon," Peter corrects, starting to think he googled the wrong lawyer. "I guess I should get his name right because I'm going to be suing him." Once Eli's done with him, Dr. Agon will be setting up a practice in Middle-Earth where his name belongs.

Back at the office, Eli seeks to sell Maggie on the case. Maggie, stalking down the hall in a dress that I seriously wore to a black tie wedding last year, is more interested in carping that Eli doesn't really care about others and how he's just "sucking up to God" than she is in finding out more about the case. Lady, I don't know who your God is, but I recently read in the Bible that God doesn't really require sucking up. He just forgives all the time. Maggie has no intention of helping Eli or the kid and tells Eli, "Go find another peon to pee on." You just know she's been waiting for months to use that line on someone. Oh, and hey, Maggie? Maybe you should stop being so interested in pointing the judgey finger and look at the four pointing back at you, because ignoring the plight of a motherless kid just to spite Eli is pretty petty. Eli sort of says that but without the hate and convinces Maggie to help him and the motherless kid.

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Eli Stone




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