Eli Stone
I Want Your Sex

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: A | Grade It Now!
There's Things That You Guess…

In the staff meeting, Jordan is telling the attendees that billables are up ten percent this quarter. And by "this quarter," you probably don't mean "the quarter in which we dropped a multimillion dollar client because he made Matt cry," right? Jordan says this was due to their success in the Salinsky case, and gives Taylor props, but Taylor, with the way Salinsky was resolved presumably on her mind, pointedly looks at Eli and unsmilingly says she had a lot of help. Jordan ignores that and asks if she'd be able to "apply [her] deft touch to Judge Doyle." Matt refers to him as "Doyle The Boil" and wishes her luck as insincerely as he delivers the accompanying thumbs-up. Jordan, unamused, says that Judge Doyle has retained the firm in the matter of a personal medical crisis -- he's got leukemia, and needs a bone-marrow transplant, but his only donor match backed out of the agreement. Because Matt opened his mouth, Jordan assigns him to assist Taylor, and Matt, swagger gone, protests that the judge hates him. Jordan: "I'm sure you're familiar with my 'I could care less' face." Does it look anything like your "I couldn't care less" face? Because I would find that confusing. Eli's watching this all with something of a depressed air, but suddenly, the room goes dark except for some cabaret lighting, and he looks out into the hall to see people circulating. There's some singing as well, and when he looks back and sees that the conference room is now empty, he exits to see Jordan playing the piano and emotionally (and beautifully) singing "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me" as the rest of the office holds up lighters and sways and backs him up. Jordan then introduces George Michael, and Eli turns...

...and faces the real George Michael, in the real world. I'll hold off my excitement for a moment: How the hell did Eli get out here while the vision was going on without people noticing? Give us some consistency here, show! So, where was I? Oh, yeah: GEORGE MICHAEL EEEEE! Eli and George sort of smile uncertainly at each other...

...and then in his office, Eli is poking George to see if he's real. Heh. George politely asks him to stop, and Eli apologizes. "You're very solid for a vision!" George does not say, "You're not so bad yourself," which is how you know this is fiction. Well, that, and the disclaimers they're airing at the end of each episode STOP EMBARRASSING THE REST OF US YOU STUPID PEOPLE WHO CAN'T SEPARATE TRUTH AND FICTION. Seeing Bradley in the doorway, George suggests that Eli ask him if he can see anyone with him, and Eli complies. Bradley: "Of course, sir! That's Bono!" All right, I was wrong -- Bradley's an effeminate straight man. George removes his Bono-esque shades and says that happens all the time. "I had the glasses first, by the way." Heh. Put off by Eli's weirdness, George starts to leave, but Eli calls him back, apologizes, and asks what he can do for him. George tells him that he'd like Eli to take a case for him -- apparently a high-school girl got expelled for playing one of his songs at a school abstinence rally. After recalling that the expulsion was all over the news, Eli faux-casually asks what the song was again, and George responds, "I Want Your Sex." Eli: "Sorry, you're not my type." George just raises his eyebrows, like "We'll see what you say when we get to Golden Gate Park." George says he wants to sue to have her reinstated, and he'll pay all the legal fees. Eli tells George he couldn't say no to him (bamp chicka wow wow!) but asks why George picked him. George somewhat sheepishly tells him that a few nights before, he had a dream in which he was completely lost, until someone told him that he needed to find a lawyer...named Eli Stone. Eli looks happy, but if he ever again tries to claim that there's no method to his visions, I'm going to slap the smile right off his pretty, pretty face. Title card.

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Eli Stone




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