Back to the NOT BARRY BONDS GOD! case. The ADA insists Turk is on steroids because his head size grew from 8 1/2 to 8 3/4 in five years. Last time he checked, the only adult whose head actually gets bigger is the Hulk's. Yeah, but it's not the cap size that matters, it's the green skin that screams Lyle Alzado. The ADA announces he's planning on charging Turk with homicide. He argues that hitting someone with your car is an accident, just like this foul ball, but when the driver has consumed three martinis it's criminally negligent homicide. Dumb Dowd gimmies, "I'm not seeing the martini here." It's a little cocktail they like to call a Buttini or an Assmopolitan. The ADA says, "Steroids. Hitting a major league fastball in the vicinity of other people while under strength-enhancing drugs? That sounds pretty reckless to me." The ADA goes on that if Turk cops to the steroids and rats out his suppliers, he can make the whole thing go away. "So can I," Bennett promises. "We'll get a judge to kick this." Bennett and Dowd leave. Outside the ADA's office, Dowd twits Bennett, "Well, I thought that went really well." Bennett warns him about doing his "little smug act" with him. Ignoring this, Dowd says, "Cancel your lunch plans, we're going to do this the real way now." Bennett looks after him and is all, "My lunch plans?" like, "What sort of pansy makes lunch plans?"
At his brother's office, Eli apologetically breaks the news to Nathan that in order to save both their jobs and respective licenses to do their jobs, Nathan is going to have to lie under oath. He can't think of any other way to get Nathan out of this mess. Nathan says he knows his brother is really good at his job, so he has to ask, "If I was your client and you were my lawyer, what would you tell me to do?" "Lie," Eli says.
Patti, clearly on a personal call, is gossiping and giggling on the phone when Taylor sticks her head in and asks about the work she gave Patti. Without getting off the phone and barely even acknowledging Taylor's presence, Patti just says, "I never got to it, try back later." Finally annoyed and making a point about it, Taylor crosses her arms and walks into the office. Getting it, Patti hangs up and deals with Taylor. Basically, Taylor is politely bemused as to why Patti didn't do what she asked. "I've been busy," Patti shrugs. Taylor gets to the real point. She dealt with Patti's rudeness when she was with Eli but now that she's actually working in the same office, she really wants to know what the hell Patti's problem is with her. Patti stands up and asks, "Can I be honest with you?" "This is you holding back?" Taylor shrugs. Patti doesn't like who Eli became when he was with Taylor. Suddenly, Eli didn't have time for the firm's smaller clients. Taylor protests that Eli has been with the firm for eight years and they had dated for only two of them. Patti asks Taylor to explain the last two months, "The cases he's taken, what he's done right before and since he dumped you?" "Maybe because he's sick," Taylor offers. "Or," Patti counters, "Maybe now he's better." Taylor throws up her hands and sort of chokes that she'll do her own typing. She walks out. Okay, so we finally understand some of Patti's enmity for Taylor, but is that all of it? I mean, she so clearly loathes Taylor, I was hoping for something with more meat on it.