Eli Stone
Waiting For That Day

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Where's That Confounded Bridge?

...and inside, we see some massive equipment that's taking up almost the whole room, and Foote explains that "the entire house is basically one big seismic station." It's kind of too bad Queer Eye is dead, because I would have loved to see those queens swoon in horror at this sight. Eli notes, however, that despite the impressive equipment, Foote has yet to successfully predict an earthquake. Foote complains about the choice of word: "It implies psychic powers. Clumps me in with palm readers and fortune tellers." And with, you know, people who are sometimes right. Eli, seeing a picture on the wall, then asks Foote what his family thinks about his conversion of the house, and as gratified as I might be to find a believer were I in Foote's shoes, I'm pretty sure this is about where I'd be telling Eli to blow it out his ass. (Much as you are probably telling me now in regard to "Foote's shoes." I am very sorry.) Foote, however, tells them that his wife moved the fam down to Cupertino, and it's safer for them to be away from San Francisco anyway. Eli then asks about the epicenter, and Foote beckons them over to a map of the area he's marked up, and tells them that he thinks it'll be inland, most likely in -- you guessed it -- Silver Terrace. Chen's like, "Hear that, Aneurysm Boy?" Foote goes on that the magnitude will be at least 6.5, and that the shock waves could destroy things like... "...the Golden Gate Bridge," Eli finishes. He asks how far Foote is willing to take this, and Foote basically tells him that he's lost his family and his job and even the people who hang out on Mission think he's crazy, so pretty damn far...

...which is good, as a harried female lawyer is noting that he's asking the court to close the Golden Gate Bridge. Eli clarifies that he's asking the court to order the city to close the bridge, and I know semantics is important in law but I think I'd still kick him in the ribs for that one. Hey, the judge, as I mentioned in the recaplet, is played by Tom Irwin, Angela's father Graham on My So-Called Life! I'm glad enough to see him, but it makes me a little wistful, because he wouldn't be playing this bit part if that show had gotten the eighteen seasons it so clearly deserved. (I think Rickie and Jordan would have opened a bar together by now, don't you? ["And Rayanne would have written the Academy Award-winning movie Juno, yes." -- Joe R]) Anyway, Eli has filed a writ of mandamus (referred to as "mad anus" by Judge Graham, for which I suppose he can be forgiven, since we're in San Francisco), and the opposing counsel complains that it only applies if the city isn't meeting its legal obligations. They argue back and forth for a while, with Eli saying that the city is obliged to protect its citizenry, and the opposing counsel basically sneezing "CRACKPOTS!" into her hand. However, Judge Graham tells them that if he dismisses the case at this point, he immediately has to start a three-month trial on accounting practices. "I'll do anything to put that off for a day or two." Ladies and gentlemen, the machine of justice at its finest.

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Eli Stone

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