Eeeee, it's the AB Chao episode! And appropriately titled, since I've been holding my breath for this one all season! Okay, Eli goes in for a pre-op exam with his surgeon, and his surgeon counsels him to draft a living will. Eli goes to Matt to prepare the document, which states his desire to be permitted to die if he's left in a vegetative state. He also has a vision of the earthquake that's been taking its sweet time, seeing himself in a cab on the Golden Gate Bridge as it collapses, only now he knows when it's going to happen -- in three days. Luckily for him, there's a scientist who's been going on TV saying the exact same thing, so he and Chen go to see him and find that he's turned his house into one big seismic detector, and he's calling the epicenter of the quake as Silver Terrace. Eli files a writ with Judge Graham from My So-Called Life to get the Golden Gate Bridge closed on the day of the earthquake Patti gets Eli an engagement present to give to Maggie, and Maggie gives him the news that her fiancé Scott is moving out there -- on the exact day of the earthquake. What's more, Eli sees a picture of him and realizes that he was the driver of the cab in his vision. Marci has apparently been lobbying for Jordan's ouster, as in addition to the defection of many of their clients, Beutel and Zyer Motors are drafting malpractice complaints against WPK. Jordan doesn't think Marci has the votes to get rid of him, but when she gets wind of Eli's stunt with the bridge, Taylor gets worried that Eli keeps giving Marci ammunition to use against her dad, and asks Eli to drop the case for her dad's sake. Eli, however, goes to Jordan, who tells him that he's believed in every case Eli has taken, and he won't be dropping this one, either. Also, Matt suggests to Taylor that she might want to go easy on Eli at this juncture, and she soon finds out why, as Eli asks Taylor and Patti to witness his living will. Marci manages to become the attorney of record for the city, and picks Maggie as her second chair in taking on Eli. Eli has to tell Maggie that Marci only picked her because of her relationship with Eli, but she's too dumb to see the connection, which means she should immediately be killed. Marci, however, after spilling the beans that she and Jordan used to hit the sheets together (that one, I figured) and letting her know that she thinks she and Eli are an item, pumps her for information about Salinsky and Silver Terrace, and before you know it, Maggie's on the stand telling everyone that Eli had a vision of an earthquake. This is enough for the writ to be thrown out, so Eli begs Maggie to tell Scott to stay off the Golden Gate. Meanwhile, the chief aide to the Mayor calls and requests a meeting with Eli and the scientist, and tells them that they're going to close the bridge regardless of the ruling. Marci pitches Jordan's ouster to the full board, and Jordan gives an impassioned speech to them in defense of Eli. Eli stakes the last of his reputation by asking everyone in the firm to evacuate to Golden Gate Park, but the only significant one who does is Patti. The board votes to remove Jordan -- right before the earthquake hits, prompting Jordan to awesomely ask for a re-vote. In the park, it turns out Maggie, Nate, and Scott are there too -- in time to see the Golden Gate collapse. Damn you, AB Chao!
Man, it's hard even to get my thoughts in order for this one. Fittingly enough given the title, all season long, I was looking forward to this, the AB Chao episode, with excitement, and yet of course a small, irrational part of me was afraid it wouldn't be good and I'd have to say mean things about it and I'd never, ever be invited to Chao Camp again. I'm sure AB's thought process about seeing it air was similar, if you substitute "L.A." for "Chao Camp." Anyway, I've got to get on with it, but when we talked on the phone a couple of weeks ago, she told me in no uncertain terms that I'd better give her an A. I hope she can forgive my disobedience.
Oh, one other thing: I know AB co-wrote the episode, and I hope Oscar Balderrama doesn't hate me for this, but since I haven't played Celebrity or watched Honey with him or sung along to The O.C. theme song in his car yet, I'm going to gush over AB just a little more. Still, Oscar: awesome job!
Eli's watching some fish in a large tank, which just so happens to contain a plastic replica of the Golden Gate Bridge. Good thing the fish are too dumb to pick up on the foreshadowing -- they might as well enjoy the time they have left before they end up asphyxiating on the carpet. Eli's surgeon enters, as it's his office, and tells Eli that his pre-op exam looks promising. Eli sits, and this is where if I'm him, I drop this guy as my doctor right now. I don't care how highly recommended he is -- a surgeon who can't afford chairs made of something more tasteful than wicker is no one I'm going to let poke around in my brain. The doctor mentions his test result in some more detail and says they're all set, and Eli breathes, "To take out the aneurysm." The doc tells him he thought Eli was up for gallbladder surgery, and behind Eli, the fish roll their eyes all, "He tells that one every time. At least mix things up and say 'spleen' once in a while!" The doc notices that Eli seems nervous, like, no kidding, and tells him that given the risks, he recommends that Eli get his affairs in order -- specifically, he should draft a living will, so they'll know what to do should the surgery render him a vegetable. "I'm sure you know a few good lawyers." Given Eli's vocation, said document will probably contain instructions for suing the pants off Dr. Giggles here.