It's time for the 60th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards. Brace yourselves folks, we're in for a long night. Zach Oat and Mindy Monez drew the short straw in the TWoP offices this week and are stuck doing the minute-by-minute recap of the evenings events. They'll be tag teaming in order to survive the presumably tedious Emmys broadcast, swapping off every half hour, to make time to pinch themselves to wake up and ingest a healthy dose of caffeine. Mindy kicks things off...
8:00 - We begin with a bunch of stars saying famous TV lines. Ha! Hayden Panettiere reciting "Good night and good luck." She is not qualified, but it's funny cuz it's unexpected.
8:01 - Oprah's on! Strutting out to welcome us to the show and to explain that over the years TV has influenced society. Oprah knows everything and looks fabulous in orange. This show is going to be amazing. I can tell because Glenn Close is captivated already.
8:03 - Oh, and here are our hosts! So much hosting happening! I'm serious, these five people are hosting all over the place. They are not shy about hosting. Tom Bergeron, Heidi Klum, Howie Mandel, Jeff Probst and Ryan Seacrest all come out in black suits, and I gotta state the obvious and tell you Heidi looks unbelievably hot. Androgyny suits her. Also, has Jeff Probst always had such rugged good looks? I should start watching Survivor. They are explaining that they'd like the show to be special, but they have nothing planned for the top. They are throwing caution to the wind and winging it! And Howie Mandel has made the first obligatory Sarah Palin joke of the night. The first of many, I'm sure. Heidi and Tom are standing there doing and saying nothing, which is weird.
8:06 - After all that nothing planned for the top of the show bit is taken care of, the other three guys leave them two on the stage and banter is exchanged. They're making jokes about the other hosts (ha! Heidi made a joke about Howie's OCD! She went there!), and somehow Shatner is now on the stage! Aaaand Tom Bergeron and William Shatner just ripped Heidi's clothes off to reveal a sparkly tiny outfit. Feminism may be dead, but it is lookin' leggy!
8:09 - Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are here to present the first award of the night! Which is... oh Christ, they have to thank a bunch of countries for watching the show first. Actually, this is funny, they're making fun of Martians and meatballs. And it's time to give out the Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series Award. And the Emmy goes to... Jeremy Piven for Entourage, which is still on the air for some reason. I'm so not surprised by this win that I may pass out. Neil Patrick Harris was robbed. Jeremy Piven's acceptance speech is brief and gracious however, so I partially take back my previous comment.