9:02 - Oh man, here we go. Heidi and Ryan have wrought Josh Groban's epic pissing all over our childhood TV memories medley upon us. This guy is boppin' all around, acting like a chipmunk in a TV songs Time Life collection infomercial from Hell, on shrooms, and we get to hear the following theme songs defaced in rapid fire progression: The Simpsons, Friends, Happy Days, Golden Girls! (which he somehow managed to make even more Adult Contemporary than it already was. Josh Groban is truly a wizard in awful sounds), Misters Rogers, The Andy Griffith Show (with lyrics and whistling), The Love Boat, The Addams Family, The Muppet Show, concluding with Animal being strung up by a noose and carried into the rafters to everyone's horror, The X-Files! How dare he!, South Park, the whitest rendition of The Jeffersons since JD did it on Scrubs, Baywatch (had a theme song?!), The Brady Bunch, Cops, The Fresh Prince of Bel Air! Josh Groban is rapping! This is ear rape!, now he's doing impressions of late night announcers, Two and a Half Men (has a theme song too?!), Rawhide (rules), Gilligan's Island, Ooh! Some Rockettes are here! And, in closing, he's turned The Carol Burnett Show theme into a warm Christmas ballad. And he tugged on his damn ear and we're out. This may be the wrongest thing I've ever seen.
9:06 - Luckily Alec Baldwin has replaced him on the stage. He's joking about being a smarmy lil womanizer from the '70s and announcing the nominees for Lead Actress in a Miniseries or Movie. Nobody sees these things, so who knows or cares who wins this one, really? Laura Linney wins for John Adams, which somehow manages to be even less surprising than Jeremy Piven's win.
9:13 - Tom Bergeron is talking about Laugh-In now and the celebs from the first quotes montage are saying "Sock it to me" and getting pies in the face and buckets of water thrown on them and everything. This is almost as good as the Laugh-In parody my 9th grade homecoming rally put together. But holy shit, Ruth Buzzi's there! And everyone else! But most importantly, Ruth Buzzi! They are all announcing the Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Series nominees in their most famous Laugh-In characters. Jo Anne Worley may have a rubber chicken, but Ruth Buzzi is really owning this. I'd love Bill Maher to win, but he doesn't have a shot in hell. Hey, The Daily Show won, which is deserved of course, but still, even less surprising than Jeremy Piven and Laura Linney's wins combined.