9:19 - Heidi is backstage, explaining that Lauren Conrad and Christian Siriano designed the Emmy girls' dresses. For whatever that's worth.
9:20 - LC and David Boreanaz stroll out to present Best Guest Actor and Best Guest Actress in a comedy series. Tim Conway won for 30 Rock and Kathryn Joosten (aka the feisty Mrs. Landingham from The West Wing) won for Desperate Housewives in a prior ceremony.
9:21 - Kathryn Joosten has appeared to bitch about them cutting her bit for time and announcing the nominees for Directing for a Comedy Series. Whoa, Barry Sonnenfeld won for Pushing Daisies. I totally expected Paul Feig to take it for The Office, but hey, Pushing Daisies is a highly stylized show and that probably requires a director who is good at directing.
9:23 - Back to Boreanaz and LC! Talking about the Writing for a Comedy Series noms. There are other shows nominated, but clearly, this is between 30 Rock and The Office. It is a cage match! And Tina Fey is triumphant! Stop with all these surprising non-surprises, Emmys! I have a weak heart! Anyway, Tina rules, and nobody deserves this award more than her. She's a gladiator, the Russell Crowe of sitcom writing. You know what I mean.
9:27 - Why do I hate those Macy's commercials, where the designers help dress people, and Jessica Simpson is an idiot? Oh yeah, because they're terrible.
9:30 - Hey, it's that fifth Emmy host that I never remember the name of! Apparently, there used to be a show on TV called The West Wing, and Martin Sheen played the president. Which is our segue to introduce Martin Sheen, arguably the greatest Sheen! It's apparently also the 60th anniversary of the first televised political convention, and Sheen wants you to vote for anybody but Pat Buchanan. The president of the Television Academy comes out, and he has on a very nice tuxedo but a pair of incredibly ridiculous purple-framed glasses. If his tux had been purple, they would have worked, but not now. Apparently, he's here to tell us that his organization is still dedicated to making quality television? Um, yes? Otherwise they'd all be unemployed?
9:35 - Hey, it's Christian Slater and Christina Applegate, whose first names are very similar to each other! Applegate promises to destroy Slater in the ratings this fall. Please, Slater, don't hurt her. And don't you back him into a corner, Christina -- that's when his alter ego comes out and "gleams your cube," as they say in the skateboarding assassin business. They announce the Made-for-TV movie