9:59 - Alright, we're in the home stretch here -- hour three, where miniseries, lifetime achievement awards and George Clooney tributes go to die. Wake me up when real things start happening again in about 40 minutes.
10:01 - You know, George Clooney is pretty lucky Angelina Jolie was never on TV.
10:02 - Holy shit, Jean-Luc Picard!
10:05 - Umm. What is that Claire Danes on a tire swing thing I just saw? Because I think it might be the world's next Riding the Bus with My Sister -- it looked that hilariously awful. Top of my queue immediately.
10:07 - January Jones is wearing petrified coffee filters. Why?
10:09 - Wait, what just happened? Did Julia Ormond just invent a person in her category? Catherine O'Whatshernameohara? Please address her properly, Julia: The Mom from Home Alone. Pretty sure it's on her birth certificate.
10:12 - Aww, look at the Emmys trying to make us think the miniseries category is awesome. Look! Paul Newman was in one of these once! Isn't it so great that we're making you sit through this to find out if Mad Men beat Lost?! No, Emmys, it is not.
10:12 - Oh Christ on a cracker, Jewel is singing. Zach is in so much trouble for getting the good half.
10:18 - Ahh, it's In Memoriam time. Everyone's secret favorite part. RIP everybody, but mostly, RIP Rue McClanahan.
10:20 - Jewel sounds so bad I'm worried they're trying to kill more people with this song.
10:22 - Ooh, ouch. I'm hearing they left out David Mills? Is that true? How does this happen every year?
10:25 - Adam Mazer just won for writing You Don't Know Jack, a movie that made me cry until I was embarrassed to be seen by my own furniture. Anyway, do you remember that Alias episode where they had to stop someone from using a "mazer"? It was a microwave laser? A mazer? That guy's got an awesome name, is what I'm saying.
10:29 - Claire Danes just won an Emmy for acting in my new favorite movie. I'm even more excited now. (And, ironically, Jordan Catalano was autistic, wasn't he?)
10:34 - Cast of True Blood! Together! In one place! Mocking vampire puns! And presenting... miniseries directing. Way to suck the sex out of the room, Emmys. Wow, that sentence was unintentionally disgusting. I do apologize.
10:40 - Julia Ormond tried her damndest to beat Al Pacino at his own rambling game, but has now officially lost. Nice to know you're still weird, Pacino. And the applause for the real Dr. Death in the audience? Icky, in undefinable ways.