Against all my warnings, Quantum brings Porthos down to an alien planet and the poor pup picks up a pathogen that pesters his pituitary. After twelve seconds too much thought for my taste, Quantum finally decides to camp out in Sick Bay in order to be closer to his pitiable pooch and gets to know the earthier side of his alien doctor-cum-vet. All I'm saying is, he feeds his toenails to his pets. Oh, and big surprise, but Quantum managed to offend the aliens who were supposed to give Trip a new fuel injector so now they don't feel like it anymore. Quantum offers to pee on them to make it all better. And you don't know how much I wish I were kidding about that last one, but I'm really not.
This episode took all the complaints I've ever had about Quantum's pride, his ego, and his utter lack of respect for other cultural laws, and rolled it into an hour-long display of petulance the likes of which I have not seen since 90210: The Brenda Years. Do you want to know how many times I use the word "petulant" to describe Quantum's behavior in these fourteen pages? Seven times -- there really is no other word for the way he comes across in this episode. Unlike some out there, who thought this was a fun, laid-back episode about normal, non-combative life aboard the ship, I thought it was the worst episode of the season. It was a puerile romp through a night in the life of a particularly whiny captain, who blames his behavior on his so-called concern for his dog. However, as I point out multiple times in this recap, that concern is not believable in the least -- not in the writing, not in the acting, and certainly not in the Furrowing.
Quantum is a peevish ass throughout this entire episode, laying blame everywhere but where it is most warranted, and then gets himself off the guilt hook by "learning" how to say he's sorry. In my opinion, he doesn't learn a damn thing. His act of atonement to the Kreetassans is only brought about by a thinly veiled stab at his pride from T'Pol via Phlox, not because he actually believes he owes the Kreetassans recompense for the offensive actions for which he never fully acknowledges responsibility. I don't know if Bakula, the writers, or the director knows that they handed us an hour-long ode to Quantum at his most unlikable and failed to make up for it in the conclusion. The only redeeming aspect of "A Night In Sick Bay" was the Phlox exposure, but even that wasn't enough to temper Quantum acting as though he had just been weaned off a pickle.
If you couldn't already tell from my preamble, I am so not in the mood for this. My sinuses are so stuffed with snot that Mathra's beginning to think he's sleeping next to Mucus of Borg, and no amount of anything peddled over the counter in the English-speaking world is helping in the least. I've resorted to spending long hours in the bathroom with the shower running as a makeshift steam room and sounding off disgusting "hwargh!" noises to keep my throat from tickling. The only problem with that is that all the noise and the moisture is now causing the non-waterproof paint to peel. To top it all off, I think Hunca Munca has gone missing and might only be found if we decide to excavate the mountains of used snot rags that surround me on the recapping futon. Needless to say, my patience is fruit-roll-up thin, and it didn't take much for Quantum to tear it in half. To shred it completely took everything Quantum said, did, looked, and furrowed.