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Raiders of the Lost Vault

More scenes of Trip leading the Ferengi all over the ship and the Ferengi complaining about it. "Is this your plan?" Muk asks. "To walk us to death?" Felix asks if it's "some kind of trick," but Trip tells them they're there. He opens a circular, vault-like door and steps into a tiny chamber. The Ferengi clamber in after him and spy the lo-jack on the door. "The vault?" Grish asks. Trip fiddles with the lo-jack; there are two clicks, and the door pops ajar. "It's all yours," Trip says. Felix commands him to "Open it! Open it!" so Trip pushes open the door and says, "You better let me go in first." "Why?" Felix asks, suspiciously. "Knowing Cap'n Archer, he's probably rigged the place with booby-traps. Just give me a few minutes to check it out," Trip explains. Muk says, "No! You could have a weapon hidden in there!" Trip shrugs and backs away, and the Ferengi fight each other to get inside. It's quite a comical scene. The Ferengi finally all squeeze in but note a distinct scarcity of gold. "It's a trap!" Felix shouts as T'Pol emerges from her hiding place behind the "vault" door. She phaser-stuns all three of them, and they fall to the ground. Trip steps in with her and looks at the Ferengi. "Sorry, fellas," he says, "Bank must be closed today."

Shuttle bay. Quantum's still locked to the wall. Can we just leave him there? T'Pol walks in. "Did it work?" he asks. "Perfectly," she tells him. I guess we're to believe that this whole scheme was his idea. Funny, I choose not to. "Do you have the key?" Quantum asks, holding his hands out. T'Pol holds the key up just out of his reach and says, "'Not that interesting, no sense of humor, always complaining'?" Quantum says he'll make it up to her. "How?" T'Pol asks, still keeping the keys out of his reach. "Five bars of gold?" Quantum suggests. T'Pol raises her eyebrow. "Open these things, Sub-Commander, that's an order!" Quantum says. Now who's the one without a sense of humor? Jeez! T'Pol looks at the keys, looks at Quantum, and unlocks him.

Trip and a security detail monitor the Ferengi as they replace all the stolen equipment. Muk manages to pinch his fingers on a torpedo, and he hops around sniveling. Trip just smiles at him. Finally, Quantum releases a grateful Porthos and nuzzles the adorable thing. Took him bloody long enough! Hope Porthos left a "present" in the storage case.

Walking with Krispy Krem along the Scarab Ship's corridors, Quantum tells him he's going to contact the Vulcan High Command as well as Starfleet. "If you come within a light-year of any one of our ships, you won't know what hit you," Quantum threatens him. Krispy Krem assures him, "You'll never see us again," as they enter the bridge. Well, maybe Quantum won't, but Picard, Janeway, and Sisko will have to deal with them again and again. And again. And I don't care what the current drift of the argument is on the forums; I continue to find it really peculiar that neither the Vulcans nor the humans decided that knocking out a full starship crew with the intent to sell the females into slavery and loot the vessel would not have constituted a full investigation into who these aliens were. I think it's stupid, lazy, and just another instance of Bermaga insulting their fans and the history of the Trek series. The other three Ferengi are handcuffed to various stations around the bridge. "If you want to be unshackled, you might think about showing Krispy Krem here a little more respect!" Quantum orders, once more instructing another species how to live their lives. "Vermin!" Muk growls. Heh. All the Ferengi -- save maybe Ethan Phillips, who never really impressed me even back when he was on Benson -- were extremely entertaining tonight. From Matt "Grish" Malloy's Muppet-like voice to Clint "Muk" Howard's bugging eyes to Jeffrey "Krispy Krem" Coombs's overall performance, they were all really fun to watch as they brought out their individual Ferengi personalities. Sigh. But the best thing I can say about Quantum in this episode is that he really should wear black more -- it looks so much better on him than blue. After shouting at his cousin to shut up, which shocks Felix into silence after his last tirade of insults, Krispy Krem asks T'Pol if she's sure she wants to stay with the "hoo-mans." "With my ship and your talents, we could build a vast fortune," Krispy Krem says. T'Pol turns on her heel and stalks out. Okay, what "talents" is he referring to? Her pleasure-giving artistry? Quantum also gives Krispy Krem A Look before leaving. All the Ferengi try to convince and bribe Krispy Krem into releasing them, but it's all to no avail. Krispy Krem takes his position in the captain's chair (literally and figuratively) and relishes it. The Scarab Ship separates from Enterprise and whisks away.

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