Enterprise
Affliction (1)

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Reed Cries When He Spies

I'm sorry, there's a lot of blood and gray matter on my keyboard now and some of the keys are sticking together and I just have this massive head trauma and it sort of hurts so I think I'm going to have to lie down for awhile and drink some water.

Okay, I'm a little better, but I really think it's beyond the pale to expect me to RECAP QUANTUM FUCKING WALKING A VULCAN THROUGH A MIND-MELD JUST BECAUSE HE CARRIED SURAK'S FUCKING KATRA FOR A FEW DAYS!! Oh, dear, I think I just reopened a crack. Excuse me, I think I'm gonna need a Band-Aid. And a FEW HUNDRED TABS OF ACID!

Well, I checked with Sars and she pointed me to the clause in my contract that says I have to recap the show no matter how insulting, how insane, or how spirit-killing. That being the case, I have a c-clamp holding my brain in and a gin drip that increases in flow as soon as I start to get heart palpitations, so I think I'm good for now.

"You?" T'Pol says, holding it together much better than I, because if I had had him standing right in front of me, I would have ripped those furrows right off his head, stuffed half up his nose, and fed the other half to Porthos. "I had Surak's [fucking] katra in my head for four days -- I picked up a couple of tricks," Quantum says, once again insulting the ENTIRE RACE OF VULCAN PEOPLES BY DENIGRATING A SACRED ACT TO THE LEVEL OF SOMETHING A PROSTITUTE OR DAVID BLAINE DOES! Ahh, lovely gin flowing into my veins. So clean. So nice. Wipes all the badness away. Mmmmmmm. Oh, and that C I mentioned earlier? Yeah, well, guess what -- you just got downgraded. Blame Quantum.

Elsewhere, Reed tries to access satellite logs to find out if a transporter was used to kidnap Quantum. There's no data available, so Reed calls Starfleet Ops to get to the bottom of it. Instead he gets some guy he calls "Sir" and is confused he even got him on the horn when he thought he was calling ops. Sir tells Reed to meet him somewhere in an hour and he'll tell him why the grid covering San Francisco is down for maintenance. Duuude -- Reed's Deep Throat! Except that his deep-throating leaves lipgloss behind.

In a dark room with strangely nice orchestral music (they're trying to soothe me and it's not going to work), T'Pol carefully places her fingers on Hoshi's face. "My mind to your mind...our minds are merging...our minds are one," T'Pol intones. As the camera does that 360° spinny thing, Hoshi says that nothing is happening. "T'Pol, try to relax your emotional suppressing just a little," Quantum advises. I hate you and your BACKSEAT MIND-MELDING! "Okay, now turn left at the hippocampus and watch out for that suppressed memory of your parents having sex on the kitchen table. Good, good. Now ease off the irrational fears and release your creativity while you pull into the frontal lobe and align the Id with the Super Ego -- YOU FORGOT TO SIGNAL! If that had been an actual memory you would have just erased it!" T'Pol sort of rolls her eyes -- which is not an easy thing to do since her eyes are closed, so big props to Jolene -- as she says, "I feel what you feel. I know what you know." Hoshi and her heavily eyelinered eyes (it's midnight blue, not black, so she can't be a spy no matter how good her hair) inhale sharply though her nose. T'Pol inhales sharply through her nose as well. I wonder if T'Pol is going to turn Hoshi into a CRACK WHORE. T'Pol's Mind asks Hoshi's Mind if she can hear her. She can. Now would be the perfect time to tell each other what they really think about Quantum. By the way, it was a nice try on the part of the makeup staff to try and give Hoshi a red mark where T'Pol's fingers are pressing into her cheekbone. If only they hadn't made it look like an itchy spreadable rash. For some reason, even though we JUST established that Hoshi's Mind can hear T'Pol's Mind, T'Pol's Mouth starts asking the questions and directing the memory. We flashback to Phlox and Hoshi after dinner, but now T'Pol's walking alongside them. In the flashback Hoshi asks if T'Pol sees the attackers. She does. The attackers attack. We see the fight scene again, this time with T'Pol observing. In the present, as Hoshi gets hit, both T'Pol and Hoshi twitch with pain. In the flashback, T'Pol kneels by the semi-CONSCIOUS at the TIME Hoshi and tells her to focus on the moment and ignore the pain. As the aliens say their piece of alienish in the flashback, T'Pol repeats it in the present. Then Hoshi and T'Pol say it in unison. Hoshi opens her eyes and says, "'Bring him with us,' -- it's Rigellian." Quantum furrows. You know, I'm willing to bet this is how T'Pol avoids eating -- she mind-melds and feels full afterwards.

In the Situation Room, T'Pol says that a Rigellian freighter left orbit two hours after Phlox's abduction with a flight plan filed for Proxima Colony. Quantum says their trajectory won't take them anywhere near Proxima. Maybe it will take them approxima there. Ah, silly gin, how I love you and your ways. Quantum cancels shore leave -- saving us from seeing May-Wherefore-Art-Thou face an annoying Irish Academy rival who comes out of nowhere to fight him -- and orders everyone back on board.

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