Enterprise

Episode Report Card
Keckler: B | 248 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
The Pirates of the Implants

Engineering. Trip blesses the reactor with holy water and attempts to bring it to life, but as it's still spitting up lightning bolts, Trip shuts it down again. Quantum checks up on him. "Creating a stable warp field isn't easy when the laws of physics won't cooperate. The Cochran Equation -- it's not constant here," Trip says. "Equations are NOT things that can be constant or not constant, you IGNORANT, LAZY BERMAGAS!" the Evil Dr. Mathra thunders. It may seem nitpicky, but the Evil Doctor's got a point. If you're going to be a sci-fi show, you should try to get some things right. I'm not talking about the technobabble shit they make up, either; I'm talking about something as basic as that kind of comment from an engineer. It's as ridiculous as Hoshi saying that German is a Romance language. All these small, nitpicky things build up over the years to make a big, dandruffy pile of Things We Didn't Care Enough To Research, and no amount of Michael Dorn selling Neutrogena T'Pol Gel is going to wash away the insult to our intelligence. Trip blathers how impossible it is to deal with his warp drive in the Expanse, and Quantum orders him to make the weapons a priority. "You worried about somethin'?" Trip asks. "Weapons, Trip, as quickly as you can," Quantum non-answers, and leaves. I don't know about you, but I always thought it was a helpful stimulant for a captain's direct reports to know exactly why they were working so hard on something. Sort of gives a little fillip to their work ethic when they know there might be killer aliens in the neighborhood. Quantum playing this close-to-the-vest game is distancing and stupid. Trip wonders to himself, "Now where's Isaac Newton when you need 'im?" Laughing at you, I believe.

Quantum's Quarters. The angrily furrowing captain blusters in and glares at the suspended coffee mug. He sits at his desk and fidgets. Finally, he snatches the cup out of mid-air and bangs it down on the desk. Okay, so it's likely that the coffee is no longer hot, but still, put something down to catch the spill, wouldja? Coffee stains aren't easy to get out when you're in space and far away from Spray 'n' Wash.

Enterprise

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