Episode Report Card
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The Pirates of the Implants

Quantum's Quarters. The angrily furrowing captain blusters in and glares at the suspended coffee mug. He sits at his desk and fidgets. Finally, he snatches the cup out of mid-air and bangs it down on the desk. Okay, so it's likely that the coffee is no longer hot, but still, put something down to catch the spill, wouldja? Coffee stains aren't easy to get out when you're in space and far away from Spray 'n' Wash.

Outer space. A ship heads straight for Enterprise.

Bridge. May-Commented-Out tells his fractiously furrowing captain how close the other ship is. Reed reports that the ship is charging weapons, and Quantum asks for hull-plating. Reed can't do it, nor can Hoshi hail the other ship. The ship gets closer and closer.

Elsewhere on Enterprise, three aliens transport down and steal stuff. They shoot one crewmember down from the catwalk and miss another one. In another storage space, two more aliens transport down, knock out a crewmember with a blow to the head, and steal some more stuff. In the armory, Reed, Quantum, and some Uh-Ohs fire at the original three alien pirates. Once Quantum realizes that the warheads down below are armed (shouldn't that really have been something Malcolm noticed first?), he orders his team to hold their fire. Quantum orders the Uh-Oh to lob a stun grenade at the pirates. The stun grenade hits just as the pirates transport out. An Uh-Oh slides down the staircase in that I'm-a-bad-ass-in-that-I'm-only-going-to-use the-handrails way. Not to be out-testosteroned, Quantum copies him. Reed looks at a comm panel and tells Quantum there are six aliens left on the ship. Quantum orders him to sally forth and fight. They split the Uh-Ohs and go their separate ways.

Somewhere else, the alien pirates abscond with more stuff. On the Bridge, Hoshi reports that the pirates are trying to download their database. "Lock them out," the Veloured Vulcan Vixen orders. Shouldn't they have locked the database once they learned aliens were afoot? In Engineering, Trip crouches on top of the reactor and watches a single pirate's movements. He waits for his chance and then body-leaps down on him. Trip, I know you have a special knack for this, but it isn't exactly the time to get to know the alien newcomers. Trip knocks the alien out and dodges fire from the alien's pirate brethren. He leaps up to the reactor controls and rubs the core's back until it belches up lightning bolts, cornering the pirates. Reed leaps in and fires at the pirates. With all the lightning flashes, that seems pretty damn dangerous. The pirates beam out. Trip shuts down the reactor and nods at Reed. The camera pans to show us that the knocked-out alien is still with them.

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