Enterprise
Awakening (2)

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Welcome To Planet Crack Whore

Enterprise Bridge. Trip strides on to field a call from Dub'ya, who wants to speak to Quantum. Trip says the good captain is "indisposed" (whenever I hear that excuse, I think the person is constipated, but in Quantum's case it's actually the truth!) and asks what he can do. Dub'ya basically orders them to leave the system, even though Trip says they'd like to hang out for a bit. Dub'ya says he's contacted Admiral Gardner, so he's sure Trip will get Starfleet orders to get their noses out of the Vulcan's internal affairs. "A pleasant journey," Dub'ya says, and hangs up. I don't think his heart was in that platitude. "Sunuvabitch hung up on us!" Trip crabs. Hoshi offers to get him back but Trip shakes his head and glares. I don't know why he's so surprised about the hang up. I mean, one, he's got Soval giving him all the dirt about Dub'ya's dastardly plans, and two, so many communiqués from Vulcans over the past three years have been just as cordial. Save the tooth-gnashing for the real stuff, Trinneer.

The Geordi. As they walk through the caverns that look suspiciously like Mesa Verde with all the shoots and ladders, T'Pau reveals to T'Ma that she plans to extract SURAK'S FUCKING KATRA from Quantum's fevered little brain in some ritual that hasn't been performed for centuries. T'Ma mentions that Quantum might die. And what are the cons? "The risks are acceptable," T'Pau hisses. T'Ma doubts Surak would agree. T'Pau wonders if T'Ma has a better idea: "That we follow this human?" T'Ma thinks her prejudice is clouding her logical mind. "You question my logic?" T'Pau says, all offended at the gall. T'Pau whispers that the Chuckling Vulcan chose to plant SURAK'S FUCKING KATRA in Quantum's head: "He must've had his reasons even if we don't understand them." T'Pau points out that it's obvious he chose Quantum because he was dying and T'Pol couldn't reach him in time. That's right, blame the CRACK WHORE. T'Ma asks T'Pau to reconsider. T'Pau says she's made her decision and will perform the katra-ectomy within the hour. Why is everything "within the hour"? Why not "within the day" or "within five hours" or just "now"? "And if Quantum dies?" T'Ma demands. Then I eat cake. With frosting. And those big pink sugar roses that taste like ass but which I still always coveted. "I won't sacrifice our future to save one human," T'Pau snaps, and leaves. The needs of the greedy many outweigh the needs of the furrowed few.

Quantum gazes out of the cell door and then looks back at T'Pol, and wonder of wonders, he notices that T'Pol is rocking back and forth in a CRACK WHOREAPALOOZA. He mentions that he's the one with the Vulcan ghost rattling around in his head, but he doesn't feel half as bad as she looks. Quantum places a hand on her shoulder. Wow. That's just...wow. Are we seeing actual concern from the captain who didn't even know Trip had relatives in Florida? Are we seeing tenderness from the captain who leaves his dog -- no, I can't go there, it will ruin this nice moment. Color me impressed. T'Pol says she's considering their options. "At least we know your mother's okay," Quantum rasps. His hand is still on her shoulder. Oh, wait, it moved a bit but it's still there. It's getting a firmer, more comforting grip. T'Pol says that her mother has fallen in with a violent cult, so the being okay is not so much happening. Look! The thumb's now moving in vague, soothing circles! Quantum says he doesn't think the Syrrannites had anything to do with the embassy. Aw, shoot -- now the hand's gone. "You sound convinced," T'Pol notes. "Let's just say it's more than a gut feeling," Quantum swaggers. Okay, everything's back to normal: Quantum's a jackass and all's right with my world. T'Pau and T'Ma enter and say they are going to remove SURAK'S FUCKING KATRA via some ritual. T'Ma rushes to say that it's not without risk, and T'Pau amends that Vulcan physiology is more resilient, so they don't know what will happen to a puny human. Don't worry, I'm sure the furrows will keep him safe. T'Ma tells Quantum he could die. "We must decline," T'Pol announces. Quantum gives her a lazily amused look before T'Pau says they aren't giving them any options. T'Pol bugs. "You'd do this by FORCE?" she CRACK WHORES to her mother, who turns away. T'Pau points out that if he does the ritual willingly, they stand a better chance of success. Blather. Quantum agrees to do it willingly. T'Pol protests. "It's my call," Quantum tells her. T'Pol gives her mother a look that by rights should scorch those latex ears right off.

Enterprise. Acting Captain Trip strides though the corridors, flanked by Reed and Soval. It's a pretty, pretty picture. What? I'm shallow, okay? Also, I will point out that I've long come around to Trinneer's delivery and timing especially since he dropped the bulk of that over-exaggerated accent. I would have expected the same caliber from Bakula but, alas, no. Anyway, Trip should be captain. I used to think that T'Pol would be the best choice, but that was before her dizzying and vomitous descent into CRACK WHOREDOM. Trip brings us up to speed on the fact that they still haven't left orbit around Vulcan, despite Starfleet's new orders to them. He also confirms to Reed that he hasn't bothered to mention to Starfleet that T'Pol and Quantum are wandering around The Geordi. Soval comments that, as Enterprise was supposed to leave an hour ago, Dub'ya isn't going to be too happy about their continued presence. "There innit a whole lot he kin dew about it," Trip responds as they walk into a launch bay and take in a new shuttle. "Helluva job, Travis," Trip says, addressing May-Most-Likely-You'll-Go-Your-Way-And-I'll-Go-Mine who thanks him. "Just find 'em and bring 'em back," Trip says, continuing to deliver orders as though they were suggestions, which by the way I really like. "No sightseeing along the way." May-Sad-Eyed-Lady-Of-The-Low-Lands aye-ayes him, and Trip takes off with Soval, leaving Reed to finish packing the lunches and the rules to The License Plate Game: The Outer Space Edition.

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Enterprise

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