Borderland (1)

Episode Report Card
Keckler: C- | Grade It Now!

Ship o' Khannabees. A Khannabee chick with perma-flared nostrils and a forehead that rivals the Famous Fivehead of yore talks to Mullet about how smart they are in mastering the ship's controls. More Khannabees enter, and Dawsonella reluctantly breaks away from staring soulfully at Mullet. Mullet's got quite the brow on him as well -- it makes me shudder to think what their children would look like. Or how tough that labor would be. These Khannabee scenes are so freakin' dull with all the butt-sniffing and corner-peeing that goes on that I'm going to have to sum up: the Head Khannabee ("Head" being the operative word, because here is yet another example of Cro-Magnamania) arrives to smack Mullet around to establish who's the boss. And also which one of the Big Giant Heads is schtupping Dawsonella.

Dain'ta comes aboard and sweet-talks T'Pol about how much he admires the Vulcans. He says they both agree that the human race could use some improvement. T'Pol snits that she believes that of most races. Quantum presents Reed as his tactical officer. "I've heard of you, but I don't recognize the face -- you're not getting your fair share of publicity," Dain'ta comments. Oh, man, if only he could have said that to May-XXX, it could have been the biggest shout-out. As it is, it's just a wee one. Reed mutters that he's had enough, thank you very much. As Quantum leads Dain'ta to his very secure quarters, Dain'ta asks to examine the recovered DNA in order to determine the state of the Khannabees. When Quantum says he'll send the stuff to his very secure quarters, Dain'ta pleads to be able to meet with Dr. Phlox, who he puts on a level almost equal to himself. Quantum will consider it.

Bridge. T'Pol joins Trip at kneeling next to Quantum's chair. Trip wants to know how her honeymoon went. "Honeymoon?" T'Pol repeats questioningly. Trip explains that she didn't return from Vulcan for two weeks after the wedding, so he thought...what he thought is interrupted by Quantum's entrance. The captain examines his upgraded chair, which is looking more and more like Kirk's with the controls on the armrests. Quantum sits and says he likes it. Trip says, "I don't have time to go over all the details -- just be sure not to hit that button." Okay, why even put a button like that on a chair if he's NOT SUPPOSED TO HIT IT? Ooh, maybe it's an "eject" button. I'd like that. Quantum stands up and announces, "Here we are again." Oookay. His crew all looks at him and wonders if he's finally lost it. "Wouldn't have it any other way," Quantum says, and sits back down again. They leave the Big Giant Hairclip in a montage of recycled -- but still good -- footage.

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