Borderland (1)

Episode Report Card
Keckler: C- | Grade It Now!

Ship of Khannabees. Mullet and Head Khannabee face off; Mullet wins. After checking her lipstick in his forehead, Dawsonella apologizes to Head Khannabee. Head Khannabee grunts and makes a move but all the other Khannabees pull guns on him. Now that he's clearly no longer the Head Khannabee, I should come up with another nickname for him, but I'm just far too bored. Mullet makes a bit with the incestuous homoeroticism as he rubs Head Khannabee's shoulders before stabbing him in the gut. Man, and I thought head Khannabee was ugly enough without the constipated death-throes face he's now pushing out. Dawsonella tries to force a few ugly tears out of her ugly eyes.

SPC. Trip comms Quantum and Dain'ta that he's sending the crucial code now. Quantum jumps in front of Shrek 2. Shrek 2 moves forward to clobber him, but Dain'ta stabs him from behind with a hypo of something. Shrek 2 stands there for a few seconds and then begins to sway back and forth for awhile. Spiner gets this utterly hysterical look on his face like he's really confused about why Shrek 2 hasn't fallen down yet. It actually progresses over each sway and just builds on itself. Quantum? Just standing in the background with one blank and furrowing look on his face. God. He SUCKS! When Shrek 2 finally falls, Dain'ta shakes his head and darts off. Quantum notices that they have a witness and furrows hard. Shrek gathers T'Pol from her cell and shoves her into the waiting arms of her new owner. The witness tattles on Quantum and Dain'ta to another guard as those two do stuff at a central computer. T'Pol socks her owner one and Shrek tries punish her with his remote control. All we hear is fuzzed-out buzzing. "The restraints are off!" some helpful slave announces as all hell breaks loose. Shrek bellows something completely unintelligible, and Quantum comms the ship to start beaming people up five at a time. Dain'ta cattle-prods Quantum from behind. "Sorry, Captain -- hope you find your people. Thanks for the ride," Dain'ta says, and scuttles off. But what about the microchip in his neck that Trip got all threatening over? I thought if he went too far he got automatically beamed up to the ship. You know what, don't bother, I'll get up and not give a flying fuck myself. Shrek grabs T'Pol by the neck and says, "You know, you've got spirit -- I might just keep you for myself." With one swift kick, T'Pol turns Big Show into Little Show and informs him that she's not for sale. Well, of course you aren't, silly; you were already sold. T'Pol gets beamed up.

As Quantum recovers from the shocking treatment he received at the hands of Dain'ta, he confirms that Trip beamed everyone up and tells him that Dain'ta got away. "Locate him and beam him up," he orders. Meanwhile, Dain'ta applies the cattle prod to his neck and zaps himself. This has the effect of negating his transponder signal, and Trip can't isolate his bio-sign. Quantum stumbles through the slave melee to stand up on the auction block. He catches sight of Dain'ta and runs after him. Punching a few keys on his pad, Quantum activates Dain'ta's cuffs, which smack together. Dain'ta keeps running until he finds some random monkey bars to play on. Quantum catches up with him and deactivates the cuffs, making Dain'ta fall from the monkey bars. Yeah, okay, that was a nice move. "Trip, two to beam up," Quantum says.

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