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Girls Gone Green

Engineering. T'Pol and Trip realize that the grappler towrope is just above their main deflector shield. TPol gets her ass up to the Bridge. Trip scampers around, being a Chief Engineer.

T'Pol gains the Bridge and gives Quantum a dirty look before she goes about her business of SAVING THEIR ASSES. Quantum walks around to T'Pol's console, and she explains that she will use the deflector shield to send a positron burst through the towrope, which will trigger an energy cascade. Quantum adds, "And disable his power systems. Do it." Aw, FUCK you, Quantum! She was already DOING IT and she didn't need YOUR horny ASS to figure it out, EITHER! Dick. T'Pol and Trip proceed with the plan. The Three Green Sisters wriggle and pout out of the turbolift and gain the Bridge. Reed tries to get the Decon guards on the horn. Chartreuse tells him there's no one there anymore. "What did you do to my men?" Reed demands. "We asked them to leave -- after they released us," Chartreuse says. And this is where I start seeing red. Or maybe it's green and I'm just colorblind. I mean, how fucking STUPID are you to put MEN on guard when MEN are the ones who are MOST SUSCEPTIBLE TO THEM?! Quantum orders them to get off his Bridge. "Is that what you really want?" Chartreuse pouts, wiggling against him. "Because if it is, I'll gladly do as you say." Hoshi looks concerned. DO SOMETHING! You're a black belt in aikidon't -- why aren't you proving that the writers weren't just filling your character out in the final gasps of this series? "I only want to make you happy," Chartreuse says, stroking his chin. Puce shows Reed her abs and he can't look away. Quantum is transfixed. "I didn't think you wanted me to go," Chartreuse murmurs. "Captain!" T'Pol chokes out. T'Pol, you're a Vulcan and you're immune to the headaches that might, albeit pathetically, be holding Hoshi back from kicking some serious green ass -- why aren't you passing out nerve pinches and beatdowns? Why haven't they called ALL the women on the ship to the Bridge, including the expertly trained female Uh-Ohs, in order to leave three green stains on the Bridge? Why? WHY?! Chartreuse tells Quantum that T'Pol is jealous and will do anything to keep them apart: "She'll even destroy your ship." "Her presence is affecting your judgment," T'Pol calmly informs him. "Arrest her," Chartreuse offers. "Don't listen!" Hoshi snaps. Hoshi, stop talking and go snap some necks like asparagus spears. "Do it," Chartreuse says, getting in Quantum's face. "Captain!" Hoshi says, getting to her feet. "Lieutenant Reed," Quantum murmurs. Reed is still transfixed. "Yes?" he mutters. "Take T'Pol to the Brig," Quantum says. "You heard your captain," Puce says to Reed.

Reed gets up, phaser drawn. "Aye sir." But then he's knocked down by a phaser blast to the chest. It's Trip. Come to save the day. Because he's a man. And not only do the women NEED a man to rescue them, but, apparently, they also aren't issued their OWN FUCKING PHASERS! Quantum stumbles over to stop Trip but gets shot in the chest as well. I love you, Trip. Quantum face-plants himself in his smelly old captain's chair. You want to know the truth? I'd be happy if he remained in that position for the rest of the season. May-It's-Not-Easy-Being-Green-But-It's-Harder-Being-Invisible gets up. Trip shoots him to the floor and tells T'Pol they're ready. She sends a positron burst up the towrope and disables Shrek's engines and weapons. Trip keeps his weapon pointed at Chartreuse. And by "weapon," I actually mean "weapon." "Commander Tucker," Chartreuse pouts, wriggling up his way. Lime and Puce follow suit. "I'm impressed. I'm beginning to see who is the true master of this vessel," Chartreuse says. "Beginning"? Bitch, please, we've been seeing it for several seasons, now get the fuck off my Bridge. Uh, I mean, the Bridge. I'm all riled up right now. "Aw, save it," Trip says with a sneer that actually makes me love him a bit more ridiculously. "Captain Archer runs this ship -- yer sweet-talking the wrong guy." He dismissively orders them to come with him. Chartreuse's face falls as she and her green sisters pout for real this time.

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