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Carbon Creek

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A Vulcan's Tale

Mestral walks across the street, and Bar Mom pulls up in a car and tells him he's right on time. Mestral gets into the car with her, and they drive off. On the other side of the street, wearing a plaid lumberjill coat, T'Nana watches them leave town.

I love how Shannon Elizabeth refused to do a nude scene in American Pie II because she didn't want to be typecast. Good thing she dodged that bullet by wearing a towel in the new Twilight Zone this week.

Mestral and Bar Mom drive back into town and discuss the ballgame they just saw. Mestral found it "invigorating," and Bar Mom asks him out for the next game. "Or we could do something else -- take in a movie?" Bar Mom offers. "That would be enjoyable," Mestral says seriously. Bar Mom asks if she can ask Mestral something. "What are you hiding under that cap? A pointed head? You're not from Mars, are you?" Wow, dig her practicing for the Tactlessness Championship coming up next week. Mestral draws back from her in horror, and Bar Mom quickly realizes her mistake in assuming that Mestral had a sense of humor. She apologizes and says she didn't mean to make fun of him. "I am not offended," he tells her, and then asks her where her "mate" is. Turns out Bar Daddy left her and Phenom Jack a long time ago. "Jack used to get letters from him every now and then. The last we heard he'd moved to Phoenix," Bar Mom goes on, and then does a very clumsy tone change to bitter dregs: "I was hoping he would help with Jack's college, but I guess we're on our own." Oh, Lord -- please don't make Jack turn out to be some famous historical anvil that got by with a little help from his aliens. Bar Mom says she can understand why Bar Daddy wouldn't want to have anything to do with her, but -- she stops herself and sighs, apologizing for her excessive disclosure of personal details too trite for us to care about. "I'm usually better at keeping a lid on my emotions, it's not always easy," Bar Mom confides. There's a cave-in at the mine due to an early fall of the anvil foliage. Mestral says, "I know." He's got a really green face -- much greener than T'Nana's or T'Moe's. I wonder if they use Physicians Formula to powder him between takes.

There's an awkward silence, and Bar Mom says she has to get back to pulling beer. "Will I see you later?" she asks. Mestral looks her in the eye and nods. More awkward pausing. Bar Mom finally leans over and kisses him. Where is Trip's interruption asking, "Hold it, hold it! What is this? Are you trying to trick me? Is this a kissing book?" Mestral is taken aback and pulls away. Embarrassed, Bar Mom stammers her apologies, saying she thought he wanted it. Yeah, well, even in the fifties, no means no, lady. Mestral says, "Please, I was simply surprised. It was -- very pleasant." Okay, Data. And while you were calculating just how much pressure to safely apply to her lips, were you also figuring out a new nutritional supplement for Spot and scanning the complete works of Charles Dickens? "'Pleasant'?" Bar Mom repeats incredulously. "Wasn't that an appropriate response?" Mestral wonders. "Well, it's been a awhile since I kissed a man but still, I was hoping it'd be a little bit more than 'pleasant,'" Bar Mom complains. Mestral thinks a bit and says, "I did say 'very pleasant.'" Bar Mom smiles weakly and looks out the front window. "We've got company," she tells him. I half expected to see a few burly coal-besmirched miners to bearing down on them, ready to thrash the newcomer for trifling with the emotions of the vulnerable single mother; I thought that might lead to some suspicious feats of strength (hee -- Festivus for the rest of us!) on Mestral's part. Sadly, no. It's just T'Nana standing on the other side of the street, watching them. Stalk much? Has she been standing in the same place since they left? Her legs are even spread about hips-width apart in an offensive stance. Mestral sighs and says he should go. Before getting out of the car he says, "Thank you, again." Bar Mom watches him walk over to his "business associate" and then drives off. Not stopping to greet T'Nana, Mestral passes her and continues down the street. T'Nana gives Bar Mom's car a final glare before following Mestral in order to throw "Waveform discriminator?" at his back. Mestral tells her he went to a baseball game in Doylestown. "More 'research'?" T'Nana twits him. "Maggie invited me," Mestral tells her. "I didn't think it would be a problem." "Then why did you lie about it?" T'Nana asks.

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