Captain's Log: Today was such a Big Day I'm going to have to mark it with several star stickers! Anyway, last week Hoshi got abducted and I was very, very irritated but it's all good because after I delivered an impressive speech to those Xindi whale thingies, they agreed to help me get her back. Of course, I did promise to trash one of the spheres so I better get on that in a minute. When Hoshi was over with the snakey dudes, they put junk in her head that made her help arm the Mega Maid, which was kind of stupid of her but Phlox tells me she couldn't help it so I guess I won't court martial her. Much -- hee! Oh, but, DUDE, T'Pol's thinking about staying with us for another tour of duty and would even wear a real uniform to prove it. I guess that means I get to play dress-up with all her velour cast-offs and matching stacked heels. Cool. Trip seemed pretty psyched to hear that -- I think there's something weird going on between them. We all had to split up at the end of the day, though. I made Trip and T'Pol stay on the ship to twiddle with the spheres and make their batteries run out. I'll bet they're gonna make out. *Giggle* But because I want to be Da Man, I grabbed Hoshi and Reed and went off on Degra's old ship to stop the snakey dudes from destroying Earth. Phlox tried to stop me from taking Hoshi, saying she was all close to death and shit, but what does he know? He can't even furrow. P.S. Maj. Hayes died saving Hoshi. It's a bummer, but now we know what happens if you fire a weapon when someone's transporting, so that's cool. Reed's acting mopey -- I think there was something weird going on between them.
Hey, it's renewed! Woo hoo! Seriously, I am happy about this. I still don't think it's the Best Thing Out There, and I really do believe there's a ton of room for improvement, but I think they did a lot of good stuff in this past season and for that reason alone, they deserved another chance. However, with the time change to Fridays at nine, there's no doubt in my mind that next year will be the end.
Previously on Enterprise, almost the whole season happened.
The camera spins around in an overhead shot of Hoshi lying on the floor of some room. There's a big metal chair nearby. Whether you're at the dentist, hanging around Scorpius, or on the set of "Schisms," a big metal chair is never a sign of peace, tranquility, and general well-being. Hoshi picks herself up, panting and whimpering. A passel of Snake Eyes slither in. Hoshi screams to know what they want with her. "We were impressed with your linguistic abilities. Aquatic is difficult to master -- I've heard it spoken my entire life, but still, it doesn't come easily to me," Dolum says. Considering that she had the UT on hand, it doesn't exactly come easily to her either. All it took was programming in the basic linguistic matrix and letting the hand-held spit the stuff back out -- she didn't stand there, listen to the whale songs, and then translate them right back. As predicted, Dolum tells Hoshi that they have her there to crack some code. Hoshi says she's not a Turing machine. Dolum has confidence in her abilities and says that if she refuses, they will have no further use for her. "Get her ready for the Treatment," Dolum tells a snakeling. Hoshi sort of struggles as she is forced in the Aurora chair. Well, I mean, she doesn't exactly so much struggle as she does grunt and heave big sighs. Once in the chair, she does thrash a bit, but it's kind of a moo point (tm Joey).
T'Pol, Reed, and May-Partly-Cloudy exit the sh'pod they've been flying in since last week. T'Pol hands over sphere info to Trip and says they need to get on it. May-Partly-Cloudy-with-a-Chance-of-Exposition asks what they missed. Trip updates them: Mega Maid is gone, they're discussing strategy with Glinda the Good Xindi, and Hoshi's also gone. Reed is greeted by Uh-Oh Hayes, who wants to know where Dead Stripe is. Reed breaks the news that the boy bit it. Uh-Oh Hayes supposes Reed did everything he could, and says he'd appreciate a full report. Somebody's in trou-ble! Reed wonders if he can furrow as well as the captain, so he tries it.