Desert Crossing

Episode Report Card
Keckler: B | Grade It Now!
Like sands through my beer glass

Quantum's log cabin. He mentions that "after a brief detour, [they're] back on course for Risa." As Porthos watches him pack his stuff into a water polo bag, Quantum babbles about the place on Risa he's pre-selected to hang out on with his bikini-clad books. He starts to say he might do some diving when he's interrupted by a comm from T'Pol, telling him they've picked up a distress signal. Quantum orders her to alter course to intercept the distressed vessel, and tells Porthos his "walk on the beach" will still be but a dream. Poor Porthos whimpers and lies back down on his bed, thinking, as he really has to go pee, that he'll just go on Quantum's pillow. Aw, baby, come live with us -- we won't neglect you!

Spend'st thou thy fury on some worthless song.

Quantum walks the corridors with a taller, curlier, broader bloke in sweeping veils and robes and explains what was wrong with his craft. The taller, curlier, broader bloke --who's got a tattoo dribbling all around his chin to denote his alienity -- thanks Quantum sincerely for his and his Chief Engineer's trouble. Quantum tells him it was no trouble and that Trip was thrilled to "tinker with alien engines." Osama Bin Dribblin' asks Quantum if they answer every distress call they come across, and Quantum modestly tells him that they try to tamper with as many people as they possibly can. "The galaxy could use more people like you," Osama Bin Dribblin' says, slapping Quantum on the back. They enter the shuttle bay, where Trip's going at the alien pod with a blow-torch. Suddenly, Osama Bin Dribblin' becomes infected with this massive Indian-Latino-Hebrew-Kramer-doing-Moviefone accent. We had to rewind this transition several times to be sure, but indeed, Clancy Brown goes from having simply a bassy resonating voice to the bastard child of a triumvirate of Watto from The Phantom Menace, John Rhys-Davies in all the Indiana Jones movies, and Brian Blessed in just about anything you'd care to name, but especially as Boss Nass. I mean, it's a great voice, but it's really weird that he didn't have it for the first forty seconds of the show, and because of that, Mathra couldn't stop giggling every time the man opened his mouth. Osama Bin Dribblin' insists that Trip and Quantum pay a visit to his planet so he can thank them properly. Quantum tries to get out of it by saying they're holding tickets for Risa, but when Osama Bin Dribblin' tells Quantum he's offended easily AND that there's a Geskana match happening, Cpt. Spineless gives in. He probably thinks Geskana is akin to water polo. Dork. Osama Bin Dribblin' tells them to dress for warm weather.

The alien pod leaves. In Engineering, Trip tells Quantum that he'd rather not accompany him on this little jaunt. Quantum expresses surprise, as Trip is usually quite the eager beaver when it comes to away missions. Trip tells him he's got a lot of work and he hates the desert. "You know how it sucks the life outta me," Trip whines. Quantum asks, "Well, what about the two weeks we spent in Australia?" "Survival training in the Outback? Drinking recycled sweat and eatin' snake meat? That's your idea of a great time?" Trip asks. Quantum chuckles and says it's not going to be like that this time. "This time we get to drink our pee!" Mathra chimes in. "I get the feeling Zobral's a man who likes to indulge his guests," Quantum says. Yes, yes, he does. Before he EATS them! Quantum cajoles Trip a bit more, even playing to his jealousy by saying he'll bring Reed along instead. "But I was hoping you'd enjoy a little time with your captain," Quantum pouts. "Dude, the man was telepathically linked to you through mountains of snot last week, what more do you want?" Mathra mutters. And another thing, what is with Quantum using that same line he used on T'Pol in "Shadows of P'Jem"? Kinda creepy if you ask me. Trip gives in, after receiving an assurance that he doesn't have to eat snake meat. Considering that they're going down to a completely alien planet, I'd think that snake meat might be manna compared to what they might get served.

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