Enterprise
Desert Crossing

Episode Report Card
Keckler: B | Grade It Now!
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Like sands through my beer glass

Dunes. A clear blue ball hurtles through the sky, and a Chin Dribblin' dives to catch it in his lacrosse-type stick. As soon as the ball lands in the cup of the stick, it turns yellow. Cool. Quantum and Trip stand on the sidelines, wearing their RayBans, and watch. It's definitely a more abusive form of lacrosse. Osama Bin Dribblin' slams his large chest into another player and slings the ball through a hole in a metal disk. As the ball zips through the hole, it looks like it either explodes or just goes through a force-field into a waiting cup. Think the writers read much Harry Potter? Osama Bin Dribblin' asks if Quantum and Trip are ready to participate. Trip thinks they can give it a shot even if, as Quantum comments, "I don't think we'll win any trophies." We get that you're Cpt. Competitive, but does everything have to be about winning? Two Chin Dribblin's give them each a lacrosse stick as Trip and Quantum strip off their already pit-stained khaki superfine shirts. I hope they put on, like, SPF 3000, because that planet looks like you could get melanoma even when you're inside.

Enterprise bridge. The crew gets a call from the city on the other side of the desert. A Chin Dribblin' wants to know why they sent a sh'pod to the surface, and T'Pol explains that they were invited. "By whom?" Chin Dribblin' wants to know. T'Pol tells him, "A man named Zobral. And you are?" "Chancellor Trellit," Chin Dribblin' says. "Why are you in contact with this man?" T'Pol explains the broken-down ship and subsequent offer of hospitality. This is where we find out that they will most likely never see Trip or Quantum again. Oh, what dreams may come…

Dunes. Geskana Match. The game scene is pretty awesome, even if so much of it is CGIs and oddly slo-mo'd, and I do have to say that Quantum and Trip's bare chests do not make me want to remove my eyes with a corkscrew and wash them in my glass of Fumé Blanc. Maybe because compared to their naked-ish scenes on the ship, they aren't as pale as pasteurized milk here. It appears that the ball changes from blue to yellow in your lacrosse cup thing, depending on what team you play for. And by "team," I actually do mean that literally and not the way Slash Sleuths might think. The anvil sits on the sidelines pumping pom-poms and cheers for how well Quantum and Trip work together as teammates. Bleh. After Osama Bin Dribblin' blocks Quantum's attempt on goal, the Geskaners break for half-time. "Two centimeters to the right and you woulda had it," Trip says. "Next time I'll set you up with a no-look pass," Quantum says, slapping him on the shoulder. Um, sunburn? So, ouch! While Trip seems untouched by the game, the makeup crew saw fit to anoint Quantum with a red slash across his chest to show how aggressive he was in the game. God, where's that damn wine bottle?

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Enterprise

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