Doctor's Orders

Episode Report Card
Keckler: B+ | Grade It Now!
Phlox's Runaway Imagination

Phlox tucks Quantum in for a long winter's nap. It's clear that he's the last one to be put under. Phlox tells him to lie back, but Quantum begins, "Doctor --" "Please, Captain, I've told you the procedure is completely safe," Phlox interrupts. "I'm sure, but I --" "Captain, I've already had this discussion with Commander Tucker, Lt. Reed and virtually every other officer on this ship: 'I'm not comfortable being incapacitated.' 'I really should be at my post.' 'I'm willing to risk staying awake.' Well, you can't. Nor do you need to -- I assure you, I have everything well in hand!" Phlox natters as Quantum opens his mouth several times to interrupt again. "I know, Doctor," Quantum finally breaks in. "As Captain of this ship, I'm the one who's responsible for everyone aboard. There aren't many people I'd willingly turn that responsibility over to. You're one of them." Phlox is all flattered and touched and stuff. "I just wanted to say that before you put me under," Quantum says, lying down. Now, why can't Bakula act like this all the time? It wasn't so hard to be natural and slightly humorous, was it? Phlox wedges a silver disk with a light dot into Quantum's furrows, and hyposprays him. We get that above shot from earlier, in which I swear Bakula STILL manages to make Quantum look CONSTIPATED, even though he's ASLEEP! Takes a rare talent.

Enterprise sails through Strawberry Shortcake's snot. Phlox tells Dr. Lucas that he appreciated Quantum's vote of confidence, because he had been a little worried about being in charge for so long. "However, after two days at the helm, the ship is running perfectly," Phlox dictates, checking on the engine ["and misplacing a modifier" -- Sars]. He hears a bang from somewhere and calls out. There's no one there. Phlox tells Dr. Lucas that he will be very relieved when he can wake up the crew in two days, sixteen hours, and fifty-three minutes.

Singing a Denobulan opera, Phlox jogs through the corridors. Porthos bounds after him with velvety ears a-flapping. Precious.

Sickbay. Phlox walks in, clad only in his slippers. He talks to his pets as he feeds them. Now, I'm not saying that I know a whole lot about Denobulan genitalia, but it strikes me that standing naked in front of open cages is risky at best. There's an interesting shot where the large and erect spout of a watering can in the foreground is perfectly positioned, if you catch my Austin Powers drift.

Mess hall. To my intense delight, Phlox chooses to eat popcorn and watch my favorite Danny Kaye movie, The Court Jester. I know a lot of people think this particular scene -- "the chalice from the palace has the pellet with the poison," with the radiant Glynis Johns (suffragette mother in Mary Poppins and reader of Bread and Jam for Francis books) -- is the funniest, but I disagree. My favorite part is when Kaye convinces a palace guard that he's Giacomo by faking his way though a flurry of several languages. It's absolutely hysterical the way he makes his faux German seem so insulting that even the guard starts to take offense. Ah, me. I think it was P.J. O'Rourke who said, "German is a language which was developed solely to afford the speaker the opportunity to spit at strangers under the guise of polite conversation." Phlox tosses popcorn to Porthos. Again Phlox hears a noise. He mutes the movie and listens again. There's a distant rumble. "That doesn't sound normal, does it?" Phlox asks Porthos uncomfortably, and guesses they should investigate. He goes to the door, but Porthos stays where he is. He probably doesn't see much sense in leaving the popcorn behind. When Porthos still doesn't attend Phlox, the beleaguered doctor picks the pooch up and sighs that he'd be better off talking to his bat. They walk through the corridors together, finding nothing. Phlox supposes they are letting their imaginations run away with them, and admits that he shouldn't have let Trip talk him into watching The Exorcist last week. I'd think The Shining would actually be the scarier movie in this case. Unless he's got a possessed, vomiting child stuffed away somewhere. But the metallic bang comes again, and Phlox peeks back around a corridor corner.

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