MONDO EXTRAS

"Our paths have grown apart," Leeta says, holding out a golden bowl of water as she and Bashir sit near a babbling brook. Now I have to pee. Leeta drinks from the bowl and hands it to Bashir. "What was one is now two," Bashir says, and drinks. What was straight is now gay. "The time for sharing is over," Leeta says and smashes the bowl onto the ground. They stare at each other. They both say something simpering about the Prophets guiding them and walking with them on beaches where they get carried and leave only one set of footsteps and then lean into each other as though about to kiss. But no! It's a fake-out as they both turn (in unison) their faces away from each other in a mutual and planned Heisman. They jump up happily from the pillows they were kneeling upon and walk over to Quark, who is underwhelmed by the process. Bashir asks what he was expecting. "I was expecting fireworks!" Quark says accusingly. "Where's the anger? The vicious name-calling? The irrational accusations?! I never would have agreed to be a witness if I'd known you were going to be so...civil. It's disgusting." Heh -- I agree. Bashir thinks it's great -- no recriminations, no hurt feelings. He's never felt so good about the end of a relationship. "Oh, I agree -- now I can finally be honest about my feelings," Leeta tweetles. "What does that mean?" Bashir demands, frowning. Leeta admits that in the past few months she's been thinking a lot about another man. "Let me get this straight," Quark says, getting excited, "while you were still dating Julian here, you were having thoughts about someone else?" Leeta says she'd rather not discuss it right then. So why did you bring it up, helium balloon? "Oh, no, no, no -- you brought it up. You might as well tell me who it is," Bashir counters. "Yes, do tell," Quark grins. "It's..." Leeta pauses. "Me?" Quark asks. "Your brother. Rom," Leeta says. "My brother Rom?" Quark squeals. "His brother Rom?" Bashir gapes. Leeta says that Rom is "sooo cute" and "very sexy." Whatever -- he's also the only one on the station with a weirder voice than yours. Bashir and Quark are agog. "Here," Quark says, thrusting a jawaharlal at Bashir, "you need this more than I do." Bashir looks thoroughly repulsed.