Hot on the snail trail of the Xindi, Quantum, Reed, Hoshi and T'Pol investigate a planet. Since they didn't get their malaria shots before they left, they all get infected with some Planet of the Apes virus that leaves T'Pol less gibboning than the rest of them. While QuantumApe clicks, chitters, and touches her inappropriately, T'Pol tries to remind him that his place is on the Enterprise, not on her dinners. Not soon enough, because May-You-Snooze-You-Lose has already musical-chaired himself into the Captain's seat for the rest of the episode. Once some alien interlopers smeg in and make their genetic cleansing intentions known, Trip and Phlox only have the rest of the episode to whip up an antidote and a rescue --will they make it? Here's a hint: yes.
I think the story behind this episode had real potential, but they spent way too much time on the Walk Like An Alien part of it, instead of examining the broader implications of a race that could manufacture such a powerful weapon. Plus, replacing Pulaski's hairbrush with T'Pol saliva-encrusted peach just doesn't smack of that much creativity.
A red-suited alien runs through a dark jungle as two other forms in EV suits and green headlamps pursue him. The red-suited alien falls (because the prey always falls) and lies on the ground while the EV suits light up some mighty large blow torches and make Alien Brulée out of him. He screams. That was a bit graphic.
You know, I'd even be happier if this theme song was made into a polka instead of its current nation of Casio tones.
T'Pajamas lights candles as she prepares for another node client. It's Trip. He offers her Georgia peaches that have been in stasis since they left Earth, and T'Pajamas tells him that's not going to make up for all times he cancelled their dates -- er, "sessions." For some odd reason, Trip insists that T'Pajamas take a bite of a peach right then and there. I don't think T'Pajamas can be quite normal if she's able to bite soundlessly into a peach without slurping afterwards. Either that or the peaches really suck and have absolutely no moisture left in them. Trip takes off his shirt and sits down. T'Pajamas tells him to take off his shoes as well. Ew, feet! Normally, I don't really have an issue with feet, unlike my old college friend, Savage, who couldn't abide bare feet of any kind. Even the mere mention of them was enough to send her quivering. Except her own, of course, but that was because she deemed her toes to be as cute as "little popcorn shrimp." If anyone went barefoot around her, she would drop a blanket over their feet. I don't have that problem; I even once fell in lust with a guy because of his feet. They were really nice-looking -- normal toenails (even the pinky toe), strong, tan, and not too hairy. He was the only blond guy I ever dated, but he didn't have that weird white blond hair that almost looks worse on tan toes than black hair does on white toes. However, there's just something about the idea of Trip's feet trapped in his sneakers all day as he sweats around the warp reactor that turns my stomach. Plus, stench aside, I'm willing to bet his feet are really funky-looking. Don't you think? He strikes me as the type that would have that problem with the second toe being longer than all the rest, no nail on the pinky toe, and other nails in need of Lamasil. I'm not saying he's unclean or anything. I'm just saying proper toe maintenance is probably not that high on his priority list. He's probably got one or two plantars warts knocking about as well.
Well aware of what evils lurk below his laces, Trip is reticent to remove his shoes. "There are many neural nodes in the soles of the feet," T'Pajamas tells him. Hey, who knew those socks at Origins were handmade by Vulcans? Trip admits that he hasn't showered since that morning. "And I know how sensitive that Vulcan nose of yours can be. And...I'm a little ticklish," Trip finally admits. Beat. "Mebbe more than a little," Trip amends. T'Pajamas says she will cease all feetly activity at the first sign of discomfort. Trip takes off his shirt and shoes and lies facedown. T'Pajamas kneels and commences with the laying of hands on Trip. "Oh!" Trip gasps. "Your hands are ice cold." There is this weird shot -- and I mean really weird -- of T'Pajamas rubbing her hands together to warm them. Next thing you know, they'll be whipping out the heated oils of various flavors. T'Pajamas tells him to take long, deep breaths. Trip wonders if what she's doing is safe, and if it's ever been practiced on humans before. T'Pajamas knows of no instance in which Neural Node Nudging was done on humans. "The risk of paralysis is minimal," she adds. Trip gives her a look. It's just massage with a fancy name, Trip -- get a grip! T'Pajamas tells him to breathe again. Trip grunts, "That's the spot," just like a dog who has finally located where the flea is biting him. If dogs could grunt like a happy pig, I mean. Quantum -- knowing exactly what's going down in T'Pajamas quarters, and insanely jealous -- comms his Science Officer and orders her to the Command Center. T'Pajamas sends the fluffer in to take care of Trip, and leaves.