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The Inner Fright

Someone approaches the table and clears his throat. It's Reed. "Am I interrupting anything?" he asks. I just can't seem to regard him in the same light after hearing him drunkenly slobber after T'Pol's bum and witnessing that equally disturbing "Stinky" dream. "No, please join us, Mister --?" Reed introduces himself and sits down. "We were just discussing Vulcan mating rituals," Kov tells him. Reed looks at Trip, but doesn't make a move to scuttle off as he once might've been expected to do before his locker-room bonding with Trip in the shuttlepod. Kov tells the humans that "most of his people" are not altogether at ease when discussing this aspect of their lives. "So many inhibitions!" Kov flutters, and then gets down to ass tacks. "Vulcan males are driven to mate once every seven years," Kov says. Reed and Trip are astounded. "Seven years!?" Trip coughs. "Frightening," Reed says, thinking that if he were Vulcan he might actually have sex more often. "Over the past few years, we've been developing methods to accelerate the mating cycle," Kov tells them. Trip asks Kov if he wants second helpings of his food. "I've had enough, thank you!" Kov says, strangely sounding almost indignant. Trip just nods and seems at a loss for words. "Back to work?" Kov suggests, completely oblivious to the Vulcan Viagra thoughts he's put into the humans' heads. Trip and Reed scramble up, and Kov says, "A pleasure meeting you, Mr. Reed!" "Likewise," Reed says. Trip and the Vulcan sexpert leave. Reed sniggers to himself. I wonder if he caught on to the fact that they were talking about accelerating Vulcan males' mating, not females. I really don't have the strength to point out, yet again, that Bermaga are trying so hard to prove they didn't watch any episode of TOS, especially not "Amok Time," in which Spock tells Kirk The Great Vulcan Secret of Pon Farr and how NO ONE outside of the Vulcan species knows about their Seven-Year Itch. Oh, wait -- I guess I found the strength after all. Must be because I'm surfing the Raz Stoli wave.

Bridge. Hoshi tells Quantum that she's picking up a transmission from Admiral Forrest. Quantum puffs himself up and says he'll pick up the extension in his Ready Room. Admiral Forrest tells Quantum that Vulcan engineer Kov has a very sick and very important High Command father, who desperately wants to get in touch with him and patch up their decade-old father-son rift before he dies. Quantum shows signs of balking at this request until Admiral Forrest reminds him, "The High Command let you keep your Science Officer; it wouldn't hurt to return the favor." Quantum stiff-necks an "Understood," and the admiral hangs up.

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