Kitschen Confidential: I have this Chef Instructor who used to dance on Broadway until he tore something and decided to become a chef. He's such a freakin' trip, man -- he puts the "flambé" in "flamboyant." I call him Chef Chateau Lafitte. He's energetic, loud, and bounces more than Tigger on ephedra. He trained at La Varenne, cheffed (yes, it's a verb in my world) for some Dutch baroness and her Princess Von Hapsburg visitors, catered parties for Anwar Sadat's daughter in Beacon Hill, and ate Cheez-Its with Julia Child in Cambridge. I'm fidgeting over here because he so needs his own show on the Food Network, and I should be the head writer. Instead of Emeril BAM-ming everyone within hearing, you'd have Chef Chateau Lafitte's red face and gelled salt-and-pepper brush-cut shouting, "Stah that!" His Boston accent gets in the way of his "r"s, but it's what he screams when he wants us to remember something. It's become so infectious that Mathra's been saying it to his multivariable students -- Bah-ston accent and all. It's a helluva lot better than Jamie Oliver's Essex-boy "easy-peasy" crap.

The Tholians hail Enterprise and tells them to hand over the Magical Mystery Pod. To buy time, T'Pol says they're prepared to surrender it to them, but their Launch Bay doors sustained damage and can't be opened. The Tholians interrupt her with clicks and screeches, and May-MFK reports that two Tholian ships are approaching the saucer section. Interesting, I don't think I've ever heard anyone on ENT refer to it that way. I wonder if it can be detached. The ship shakes. Hoshi announces they've locked onto the two docking ports. T'Pol orders her to put the deadbolt and chain on, as well as call a security team.

Launch Bay. Quantum removes a glowing red striated rod from the warhead and puts it inside the MMP. The next cut has Reed and Quantum starting all over again on the torpedo -- obviously experiencing another round of déjà poo. "How many times do you think we've done this?" Quantum asks. "At least twice, maybe more," Malcolm Powder thinks. "Let's hope we've got it down by now," Quantum comments, and without asking for directions from his armory officer, he expertly starts detaching wires. No! Not the red one! ARHHHHHH! Sorry.