In a Mirror, Darkly, Part I

Episode Report Card
Keckler: A+ | Grade It Now!
Best. Episode. Ever.

On the Bridge, a long-haired (it's an evil wig, apparently) T'Pevil slouches in the captain's chair, and guess what? She's actually in uniform. Sort of. See, the "uniform" is made up of a cropped, tailored top and low-riding slacks with nothing in between to get in the way of Jolene's ravenous 8 Minute Abs. Well, that's predictable -- they finally get her into a uniform, only to get her half out of it. T'Pevil leaps up as Evil Leaper and May-Evil charge onto the Bridge with another Uh-Oh pointing a gun at everyone. When Evil Leaper doesn't tell her where Forrest is, T'Pevil orders an underling to call security. May-Evil shoots him before you can say "evil redshirt." I like May-Evil. He's a man of action. T'Pevil backs away from the captain's chair, silently conceding defeat. Evil Leaper comms the entire ship that he's relieved Forrest of duty and is now taking command. She-Ho, reclined on a big ol' pile of pillows and comfy-looking duvet in her quarters, looks only mildly concerned. In Sickbay, we get a shot of several creatures splayed open by dissection pins and scissors as Phlevil listens to the announcement that, in accordance with Starfleet orders, they are going into Tholian space on a secret mission. One of those splayed creatures sort of looks like a Cardassian vole. In Engineering, Evil Trinneevil turns his face to show its melted side and grimaces over Evil Leaper's prediction that they will crush the rebellion once and for all. You want to know the sick thing? I think he's much more attractive with half his face melted. Now he's tough and rugged and less Dubya-y. I may need help.

Back on the Bridge, Evil Leaper delivers one of his stiff, boring, "inspirational" speeches: "No crew in Starfleet has been tested more in battle. I know I can count on each of you to perform your duty to the best of your ability. Nothing will impede our march toward victory. Long live the Empire." Evil Leaper bang-heils. The Bridge crew follows suit and intones, "Long live the Empire" with as much energy as Evil Leaper had, which is none. T'Pevil bang-heils, intones, and glares. Sometimes she's nothing short of awesome. Especially when she channels my feelings perfectly. Everyone else goes about their evil business, but T'Pevil sneaks up behind Evil Leaper and tells him they've received no such communiqués from Starfleet as the ones he was quoting. They were sent on a private channel. T'Pevil would like to see them. "All in good time," Evil Leaper says, and sets a new course. Have you ever noticed how only evil people say, "All in good time"? He orders T'Pevil escorted to a cargobay to retrieve a Suliban cloaking device. T'Pevil is to bring it to Engineering and help Evil Trinneevil install it. They need the cloak for the mission. T'Pevil leaves with her Uh-Oh escort. Evil Leaper sits his evil butt in the captain's chair and gives it a rubdown (the chair, not the butt. Although, with evil him, who knows?), relishing the new throne. Look, I get what he's doing, but given that he's Forrest's evil number one, wouldn't you think he's sat in that chair many a time?

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