On Defiant, Admiral Billy Joelette admires the ship and also makes it clear that when they return to Earth, Evil Leaper will not be given command of it or any other vessel. Heh. Even in the evil universe, everyone knows that Quantum shouldn't be captain. Anyway, it's at this point that Quantum returns to whisper evil sweet nothings in Evil Leaper's ear. I find it interesting that, while Evil Leaper has such a low image of himself, his Jiminy Dicket, or conscience, or whatever, is still about a head shorter than he is. And sort of fatter. Anyway, Jiminy Dicket's mutterings make Evil Leaper vaporize Billy Joelette.
While aboard the Starfleet ship Avenger, Evil Leaper delivers a non-stirring speech to his mixed crowd. Seriously, he's got some Defiant members mixed up with the Avenger crew, who are probably a bit suspicious of this new guy. Especially since he killed their old commander and is now rather rudely pacing on top of one of their shuttlepods. It's the same old shit, blah blah, constipation, blah blah, furrows. When Bakula suddenly drops into a half-crouch, it's not so much Star Trek as it is Cats. And the image of Quantum accepting his invitation to the Jellicle Ball made me giggle for the rest of the episode. What a complete dork. The sad thing is, Sussman says he rented Patton to get in the mood for writing the speech, and that's great and all, but he made one fatal mistake: Scott Bakula is no George C. Scott.
T'Pevil visits Soevil in his quarters -- something the other Soval has ALWAYS yearned for -- and Soevil warns her off of doing the Vulcan salute, as it's dangerous, even behind closed doors. T'Pevil, by lots of crazy face-thrusting, tries to get Soevil to join her cause to overthrow the Terran Empire. Soevil thinks he's too old to be a rebel. Considering that his auburn goatee of evil doesn't match his grey hair, I'd say that he's too colorblind to be a rebel.
In Evil Leaper's darkened and "overly blue" (according to Dr. Mathra) quarters, the silhouettes of Evil Leaper and She-Ho post-pillow talk about Evil Leaper's anxiety issues. He thinks his senior officers and T'Pevil don't approve. Dude, take a Xanax and conquer the Empire already! Damn, stop wasting my time. She-Ho proposes they get rid of T'Pevil. Evil Leaper agrees, and wants to get rid of all non-Terrans. She-Ho seems to balk slightly at this, as she hopes he doesn't plan to get sick any time soon since his doctor is also a non-Terran. Aw, even in the Mirror Universe, She-Ho is looking out for Phlox. They make out, and She-Ho pre-orgasms that she's never been the consort of an emperor before. Can you imagine Quantum as an emperor, though? "Friends, Romans, gazelles, lend me your ears. I come to bury Quantum, not to praise him. The evil that Bermaga do lives after them, the Trek is oft interred with their boners." "The abuse of furrows is when it disjoins remorse from talent." "O conspiracy! Sham'st thou to show thy furrowed brow by Friday night, when evils are most UPN?" I'll tell you this much, whenever Quantum or Evil Leaper comes on screen, I do have an itching palm.