T'Pol is remanded back to Vulcan as punishment for her part in the P'Jemma party gone awry, so Quantum decides to take her on a dirty weekend where he has all manner of kinky things planned: kidnapping, bondage, force-feeding. Next time he should just send chocolates. Trip and Reed, who don't like to be left out of anything, crash the party and catch a show of Blue Man Group. True to their wallflower form, Maywho and Hoshi stay home. To wash their hair, presumably.
San Francisco, with a few futuristic additions CGI'd in. Ambassador Soval -- in his first appearance since "Broken Bow" -- tells Admiral Forrest, "The loss to the Vulcan people is incalculable. P'Jem was one of our most revered sanctuaries." Forrest expresses his sorrow for their loss, but fails to see how Starfleet is solely to blame, since the Vulcans were using the monks' house as a duck blind for a major spy operation. Soval tells him, "We were observing a dangerous and aggressive neighbor. The Andorians wouldn't have found the station if your people hadn't interfered. They've been in space for six months and they've already destabilized an entire sector." And that's only what they know -- think of all the tampering Quantum has done that the boys back home haven't heard about yet. Forrest closes ranks and tells Soval he doesn't agree with him: "This was a volatile situation long before Starfleet got involved. Perhaps if you had been open with us, this tragedy might have been avoided." Soval reminds him that Starfleet was warned repeatedly that the Vulcans found Quantum inappropriate. "He's too impulsive," Soval hisses. "Captain Gardner would have made a far more suitable commanding officer." Forrest snaps that the Vulcans do not "make command assignments here." Soval pouts, "There was a time when your people sought our guidance. I regret that time has passed. I've been recalled to Vulcan for consultation ["Is he having his wisdom teeth out?" Mathra wonders]. In the meantime, our joint fleet operations have been suspended." Soval picks up his triangular toys and stomps off. Forrest angrily coms someone to get Quantum on the horn.
Week Two of my reprogramming: The food's not bad here, and last night they even gave me a thin sheet to sleep on. However, you'll be happy to know that I am making progress. I have managed not to think or even dream about the musical scourge of my life for the past eight days. I think I am on the road to recovery. It really has been a long road, and I think my time is finally near. In fact, I will see my dreams come alive at las-- AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Quantum and Trip are having an intimate dinner, and Trip asks why the ship changed course. Quantum tells him that he found a planet in the Vulcan database called Coridon that's only a few light years away. "Yes, and I do believe that was the planet whose admission into the United Federation of Planets was under discussion in TOS' Journey to Babel," Mathra sniffs, tamping his pipe and getting tobacco all over his tweed jacket with corduroy elbow patches. Trip asks if the planet is inhabited. "Just over three billion humanoids," Quantum tells him, and says the Vulcans have a mining agreement with them. "I had Hoshi send a message to their chancellor, and she invited us to visit their capital city," Quantum finishes, talking with his mouth full. "Then I'll start shining my boots," Trip says. Would those be your pewp boots that you bring out on special occasions? Quantum shakes his head and tells him he's only bringing Hoshi along. Trip's face falls like a hick soufflé. "The chancellor asked me to limit the number of people I bring down, until they get to know us better," Quantum says. "It's really too bad," he goes on, "according to the database, they've got the largest starship construction yards in the sector. They're supposed to have ships that can run circles around the Vulcans." "Better than six-five?" Trip says, his lower lip beginning to tremble. "They say some Coridon ships have reached warp seven, but nah, that's just a rumor," Quantum says, picking up those architecturally crafted salt and pepper shakers we saw in "Cold Front." Okay, who makes those? It's not Crate and Barrel or Williams-Sonoma, so -- who? I want them. Now. Trip's dry lips mutter, "Warp seven?" and Quantum tells him he should lend Hoshi his camera. "I'll be sure she takes lots of pictures," he says jovially. Trip nods slowly, his mouth and face completely screwed up to start bawling. He looks back at Quantum, who grins at him. The dawn of enlightenment starts to break over Trip's feeble brain. "Ah, you had me going there for a minute!" Trip drawls. Quantum chuckles and shakes his head, saying, "You're just too easy a target." "You're taking me, right?" Trip demands, but Hoshi intercoms in, saying Admiral Forrest wants to speak to Quantum. Trip and Quantum exchange looks.
In his Ready Room, Quantum talks to Forrest on his laptop. "Was anyone killed?" he asks. Forrest tells him that the Andorians gave the Vulcan monks three hours before they started blasting away, "Fortunately, they all got out in time." Quantum asks how the Vulcans are handling the news. "Not well," Forrest tells him. Quantum ponders this a moment before climbing up on his high horse: "I can't really blame the Andorians for reacting this way --" Forrest tries to interrupt him, but Quantum just keeps on climbing: "If the roles were reversed, the Vulcans may have done the same thing!" Forrest tells Quantum that the Vulcans might have good reason for needing to keep watch over the Andorians. Yeah, Cpt. Mud-Munch, just simmer yourself down. Forrest tells Quantum he's seen the Vulcan reports documenting that "these Andorian commandos" are dangerous. "That's the same crap the Vulcans used to say about us!" Quantum wails. And it was all true. Forrest tells Quantum that he's "doing a lot of good work," but he has to be more circumspect, because Earth doesn't want to get embroiled in inter-species conflicts. Quantum backs down a bit and says he gets it, but Forrest tells him he's got more bad news. I think the Vulcans are going t'pull T'Pol.