Engineering. Quantum enters to ask Trip's feedback on his preface. He spies Trip standing very still, holding a piece of the chair and looking really indignant. Quantum asks what happened to his chair. "Did you know that this chair is the exact same model used on Neptune Class survey ships?" Trip demands. And from Trip's flared nostrils, I assume that's a bad thing? Quantum can't believe that's why Trip called him down. Trip vehemently feels that Quantum's tushie deserves much better than Neptune Class cast-offs, "so Ah'm starting from scratch!" Trip grins, "Ah'minna build yew a throne!" They expect me to ignore pewp jokes, but they give me lines like that? Come on! Trip orders Quantum to stand still while he scans him to get his "exact dimensions." Um -- okay. "This baby is going to fit like a glove," Trip assures him and holds up a big Dustbuster. Quantum hastily steps back and asks, "Isn't that used for aligning phase coils?" Trip rolls his eyes, says he won't feel a "thang," and orders him to stand still. He starts scanning Quantum's front with a fluorescent light, and Quantum thinks it's the optimal time to start reading Trip his preface. Trip orders Quantum to turn around. He scans the back of him. Quantum continues reading boring stuff and Trip, his scans of Quantum's four cheeks achieved, walks away and tells him he's done. Quantum wants to know what Trip thinks of his preface. "Sounds good," Trip tells him absently. Quantum insists on reading him the rest, but Trip tells him he's really gotta get to studying the dimensions and dimples encased in his buttocks. "It's just a few more pages," Quantum assures him. "How many more?" Trip demands. "Nineteen," Quantum replies. Trip turns around, "Nineteen!? Are you writin' the preface or the book?" "I've got a lot to say," Quantum says firmly. "No kiddin'!" Trip comments. Quantum gets all hurt and asks what he's implying. "Well, if I may, sir, it's a little long-winded," Trip squares his jaw. "I think that's a rip on the length of your recaps," Mathra cackles. Quantum gets all angry: "You're lucky you're a decent engineer because you obviously don't know anything about writing." You know what I loved? How Bakula made his voice quiver when he got to the "writing" part of that line. Maybe I'm dreaming, but I think he's actually getting better with each episode! "I'm not the only one!" Trip shouts. Hee. This was a really great scene for both Bakula and Trinneer. Quantum looks like he's about to cry, and leaves.
Galley. Iron Chef Hoshi pulls ingredients off the shelves and tells T'Pol that she's got eighty-three people to feed, not just senior officers. T'Pol just wants some plomeek soup. "I don't have time for special orders, anyway, you'll like this better," Hoshi tells her. Quantum barrels in and demands lunch. Hoshi says it will be ready in a minute, which of course Quantum doesn't have, so Hoshi tells him to make himself a sandwich. As T'Pol tries to get his attention, Quantum furrows around, runs over to a large pot on the stove, and takes the lid off. "That is a very complex recipe, I will not serve it till it's just right! My family's reputation is at stake!" Hoshi panics, trying to hold Quantum away from her blah-blah-blah-fishcakes. T'Pol watches all this with growing concern; then one of Reed's alarms goes off. Reed's voice comes over the comm., telling everyone that they have a tactical alert and all hands must report to their stations. While Quantum's distracted by this, Hoshi claps the lid back on the pot. Quantum stares at her, but Hoshi just looks blankly back. Hee. T'Pol's lips swell with even more concern. Either that or she got into the Kreetassan spice.