Fourth TOS Movie? The Hell It Is!
Keckler: Back in Vegas over pink, purple, and green drinks with yellow spots at Quark's bar, Sara M and I hatched the plan to co-recap this movie. Since my eyes had finally healed after the gouging I gave them during Star Trek: The Motion Picture, it appeared I was ready for this next Star Trek-Seventh Heaven crossover event.
I have a soft spot in my heart for this movie. It was the first Star Trek movie I saw in the theatre. In fact, when this movie came out, I wasn't even watching Star Trek at all. I don't know what made me go to see this movie, actually. I think it was because the title implied (to as yet un-Trekkified me) that it was the final movie of the series. The movie delighted me and I didn't even cotton on to half the references. It's just fun. That is, if you ignore Annie's shrillness.
We open with a nice tribute to Challenger. Man, I was in sixth grade when that happened.
Screeching noises zoom through space in the form of a big tin can with a volleyball hovering underneath it. The U.S.S. Saratoga can't figure out what it is, or what it's saying, and reports these helpful findings to Starfleet Command. The tin can and Wilson are on their way to Earth.
San Francisco. Golden Gate Bridge in the background, sh'pod landing pad in the fore. Dude. I live there now! A year later and I'm still not over that. The Klingon High Council wants Kirk to fry for killing Klingons in the last movie by luring them to Enterprise and then setting the ship to auto-destruct. An important-looking Klingon stands in front of a big movie screen as the Federation Council watches highlights. The Important-Looking Klingon paranoids how Kirk has conspired to annihilate the entire Klingon race with the Genesis device, and bellows through his muttonchops, "We demand the expedition of Kirk! We demand justice!" "Klingon justice is a unique point of view," a voice melodies from the darkness. Everyone mutters, "Sarek!" "Sarek?" "Sarek." I sigh, "Saaarek." Man, what is it about that family? They're all just so hot! Excluding Sybock, of course, because he doesn't really count. Ever. Sarek argues on Kirk's behalf, saying that the Klingons "shed the first blood" when trying to steal Genesis device. The Important-Looking Klingon yells a bit more. They argue a bit more. Sarek reminds Il Klingon that the Klingons murdered Kirk's son. More arguing. Finally, the Federation President (who bears an uncanny resemblance to Papa Smurf) steps in to say that Kirk is being brought up on nine counts of Starfleet violations. That's not good enough for Il Klingon, who storms out, bellowing that there won't be peace between the Federation and Klingons if Kirk lives. I know I'm not a distinguished diplomat of the future or anything, but to me the choice is simple: Kill Kirk.