MONDO EXTRAS

Fourth TOS Movie? The Hell It Is!

by Keckler And Sara M September 10, 2004 11:00 PM

Sulu and Spock steer the ship towards San Francisco, and Uhura is pleased to report that she's "receiving whale song!" Damn, that crazy earpiece of hers is good. Uhura says that, strangely, the whales seem to be in San Francisco. I don't know why that's so strange. Maybe they wanted to check out those famous bathhouses.

Down in Engineering, Scotty asks Kirk to check out a "serious problem." It turns out that the time-traveling totally wrecked the dilithium crystals. Way to calculate, Spock. They've got twenty-five hours before the ship loses cloaking power, and they definitely can't travel back to the twenty-third century. Kirk asks Scotty if he can maybe "re-crystallize" the dilithium, to which Scotty says they can't even do that in the twenty-third century.

Kirk and Spock walk down a hallway, and Spock has an idea. Maybe they could find some fusion reactors, and make a device that would collect the reactors' photons and inject those into the crystals, thereby re-crystallizing them. Oh, so I guess it can be done after all. Nice critical error there, Scotty. Spock suggests they check out a naval vessel to find some reactors.

The rest of the bridge crew checks out the San Francisco skyline. From the sky. "San Francisco," Sulu bass-tones, "I was born there." No one cares about this. Kirk orders him to set the ship down in Golden Gate Park, like, wouldn't a less-populated area be a better place? The ship may be invisible, but, as we'll soon find out, it's still a solid. Kirk tells everyone the plan he just thought of: Uhura and Chekov will find the nuclear reactors. McCoy, Sulu, and Scotty will make a whale tank. "Oh, joy," McCoy snarks, folding his arms. I have to agree with him there; that mission does kind of suck. Plus he's stuck with Scotty, who will keep stopping for food, and Sulu, who will keep stopping to tell boring stories about himself. Spock and Kirk get the glory mission, of course: they'll be finding those whales. And, in the latter's case, some hot San Francisco tail.

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