Fourth TOS Movie? The Hell It Is!
Kirk and Spock arrive at the Cetacean Institute and join Annie's tour. God, she's really got a grating voice, doesn't she? ["YES." -- Sara M] What a fishwife. Get it? Whales...fish? Yes, I know that whales aren't fish, god. Shut up. Blah blah blah whale-cakes. A tourist wants to know if whales attack people, "Like in Moby Dick?" "Ah, the all-important Moby Dick reference that ensures the success of any Star Trek movie," the Evil Dr. Mathra comments, "although, not so much in Star Trek VI, where the only whale was Scotty." More unnecessary whale info from Annie, specially anvilled to get our dander up about the way we're currently treating whales and their environment. All the tourists look properly disgusted by the video of whalers slicing up almost-extinct blue whales for their blubber. "To hunt a creature to extinction is illogical," Spock intones. "Whoever said the human race was logical?" Annie non-zings. Annie takes them outside to meet her whales. The only two humpback whales in captivity. More whale info as Kirk sizes the pair up for their needs. "They wandered into San Francisco Bay as calves and were brought here -- we call them George and Gracie," Annie simps with wet eyes. The whales spray water all over the tourists. They laugh delightedly. See, I wouldn't find that fun, I'd find it gross. I mean, aside from the golf balls, who knows what is going on in the suspiciously moist depths of a whale's blowhole? It's like having someone blow their nose on you. Annie grates on that they have to return George and Gracie to the open sea because they can't afford to keep them any longer. "How soon?" Kirk wonders. "Soon," Annie evades, and says how sad it is because they're so friendly and she's grown quite attached to them. If, as Annie claimed earlier, the whales are the star attractions to the Cetacean Institute, wouldn't they be earning their keep? What else will bring droves of paying tourists to Sausalito? The Pepperidge Farm cookies? ["But that institute is full of interesting stuff! Like that filmstrip! And...um that staircase? Never mind." -- Sara M] Annie leads them to underground windows where they can see George and Gracie underwater. Why are there always nuns in tour scenes? Annie explains they are listening to recorded whale songs as son by the male. Kirk starts looking frantically around for Spock. His face freezes suddenly. In the tank, we see Spock swimming to the whales. Annie goes on that they still don't know what the whale songs mean. In the crowd, Kirk dramatically claps his hand to his face as Spock starts mind-melding with the whales. Annie's still blathering on about all the possible interpretations of whale songs. "Maybe he's singing to that man!" an old lady announces. Annie finally turns around and catches sight of Spock's fairly nice butt in his tighty-whities. "What the HELL?" Annie bellows, and dashes off. Kirk follows.