Fourth TOS Movie? The Hell It Is!
Spock and Kirk get in the car, and Annie warns them, "And don't try anything because I've got a tire iron right where I can get at it." Do they even know what that means? "So, you were at Berkeley?" Annie starts. "I was not," Spock responds. Annie looks at them. "Memory problems, too," Kirk explains. Annie wants to know "what the hell" they were really doing with the whales. "It wasn't some kind of macho thing, was it? Because if that's all, I'll be real disappointed -- I really hate that macho stuff." Does anyone use the word "macho" any more? Kirk doesn't answer her, but instead asks what's going to happen to the whales once they're released. Annie bitches that they will be at risk from whale hunters just like every other humpback, and wants to know what Spock meant when he was talking about extinction. "I meant --" Spock starts to say, but Kirk interrupts him with, "Hemeant...what you said on your tour...thatifthings...keep going the way they are, the humpbacks will disappear forever." "No, that's not what he said, Farm Boy [Kirk told her earlier that he was from Iowa, to which she responded, 'Landlubber,' because she's all about the name calling], he said, 'Admiral, if we were to assume these whales were ours to do with as we pleased we'd be as guilty as those who caused' -- PAST TENSE -- 'their extinction.' I have a photographic memory, I SEE words." That last line, more than ANY other line in this movie, makes me want to put my fist through my television set and rip out the innards.
Spock looks at Kirk and wonders if it isn't time for a colorful metaphor. Annie sighs in exasperation and wonders, "You're not one of those guys from the military, are you? Trying to teach whales to retrieve torpedoes, or some dipshit stuff like that?" "No ma'am, no dipshit," Kirk promises. Now, I've seen a lot of movies with a lot more swearing than this -- hell, some of my recaps could make paint decide to take a vacation -- but this whole "dipshit" exchange seemed so...gratuitous. ["I recall being quite scandalized by it when I first saw this movie, but then, I was, like, five when it came out. And kind of lame." -- Sara M] "Gracie is pregnant," Spock volunteers. Annie slams on the brakes and the tires squeal. I really don't know how you can get tires to squeal when you're only going five miles an hour IN A PARKING LOT! Annie demands to know how Spock knows this and who they are. Kirk says they can't tell her that, but he can tell her that they aren't the military -- well, not in this century -- and they aren't going to hurt the whales. Kirk goes on that they might be able to help in ways she can't even imagine. "Or believe, I'll bet," Annie snips. Kirk agrees and says she's not catching them at their best. "That much is certain," Spock agrees sincerely. Kirk suggests they all go to dinner. Annie considers this for a moment and asks, "You guys like Italian?" "Yes," says Kirk just as Spock says, "No." There's a lot of "Yes"/"No" back and forth -- which is really much funnier than I can recap -- before it ends with Kirk finally saying, "Yes." Spock pauses and says, "No." "Yes, I love Italian," Kirk says. "And so do you," he adds to Spock. "Yes," Spock says, looking at Annie. Do they not have Italian food in the future? Or Italian people who make food?