Fourth TOS Movie? The Hell It Is!
Kirk and Annie receive their Michelobs and toast each other. Kirk takes a swallow, then looks quite unhappy indeed with his choice of beverage. Well, that's what you get for trusting Annie, isn't it? Annie gets down to brass tacks and asks Kirk why he travels with a "ditzy guy" who calls him "Admiral." Hold on just a second there, little missy! Spock isn't ditzy! If anyone in this movie is ditzy, it's the lady with the bad hair who yells at her boss for no reason and then hangs out with two apparently homeless guys, one of whom had no qualms about stripping down and taking a swim with some whales. ["Seriously, bitch -- lay off Spock!" -- Keckler] Kirk doesn't answer, so Annie asks Kirk where he could take her whales that they would be safe. He riddles that it's not a place so much as a time. That's enough for Annie to start whining about her problems again, and she says that time is running out for George and Gracie; a humpback whale born into captivity has never survived, but released out in the wild, they'll probably be hunted and killed. Sniffle, sniffle, bad line delivery of "so you see, that as they say, is that," sniffle sob sob.
Oops! Kirk's pocket is beeping. "Are you a doctor?" Annie asks. Yeah, he's a doctor who wanders around with no discernible form of transportation and lives in Golden Gate Park. Shut up, Annie. Kirk answers his communicator with an "I thought I told you never to call me!" It's Scotty, informing Kirk (I think -- it's hard to tell through Scotty's thick, fake accent and the communicator static) that Uhura and Chekov are beaming to the nuclear wessels now. Kirk wishes them luck and reminds them to set their phasers on stun. Of course, Kirk's phaser is set to kill. Ladykill, that is. Kirk hangs up on Scotty and asks Annie when the whales are being released. "Who are you?" she says. "Who do you think I am?" Kirk responds, now answering a question with a question with a question. "Don't tell me," says Annie, even though she just wanted him to tell her like a second ago, "you're from outer space!" Kirk suavely responds that he only works in outer space. He's still from Iowa. Kirk and Annie then giggle their way through what is quickly becoming one of the most awkward first dates ever, and Kirk reveals that he is from the late twenty-third century and he's come back in time to steal some whales and anyone who just started watching this movie here is totally up to date, although probably should still check out that double-dumb-ass scene. Annie totally doesn't believe Kirk, but presses for more details, since I guess it's fun to bait people we think are insane. Kirk says she has to tell him when the whales are being released first, and she does, because she's totally dumb. They're being released tomorrow "in what is sure to be a media circus." If by "media circus" she means an intern from "Cetacean Nation," then I guess so.