Fourth TOS Movie? The Hell It Is!
Uh oh! I spoke too soon! Someone somewhere on the ship actually is paying attention, and he calls his commanding officer over to check out a power drain he's detected.
Finally, the diggery-do's work is complete, and Uhura checks in with Scotty. There's a lot of interference on the communicator.
Back at the Nuclear Wessel Command Center, they have located the source of the power drain and are sending people down to take care of it. Uh oh!
Scotty tells Uhura that he can only beam them back one at a time because it's time to introduce some suspense into the movie. Uhura will go first, with the diggery-do. Bye, Uhura! Chekov waits for his beam-out, but it's not coming. Voices of angry Nuclear Wessel guards can be heard in the distance. Chekov begs Scotty to beam him back, but Scotty can't get a lock on him because he accidentally spilled some pizza grease on the transporter control board and it's all broken now.
Back at the Wessel, Chekov is surrounded by men with big guns. He's taken to the Wessel Interrogation room, where a man wearing a smart-looking vest reads off Chekov's credentials (Starfleet Commander) and asks him if there's anything he wants to say. With his big fake Russian accent (seriously, whose brilliant idea was it to send the ONE RUSSIAN GUY ON THE CREW to a United States military vessel during the Cold War? Oh, that's right: it was Kirk's), Chekov says he's a Starfleet officer, and couldn't he have at least attempted a cover story? Smart Vest doesn't believe him and asks him for his name again. "My name?" asks Chekov. "No, my name," Smart Vest spits back. "I do not know your name!" Chekov says, because I guess they don't have sarcasm in the twenty-third century. Chekov asks if he can leave now. Smart Vest turns to his partner, who isn't wearing a smart vest, and asks what he thinks. "He's a Russki!" Non-Smart Vest says triumphantly. "That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life," Smart Vest responds. I like Smart Vest. I wish he got to go aboard the ship and come to the future instead of stupid Annie. Smart Vest continues that Chekov is some kind of "retard." "You'd better call Washington," says Non-Smart Vest, because I guess they have better facilities for retarded spies.
Suddenly, Chekov jumps up, grabbing his phaser, and tells them not to move or he'll stun them so hard. Smart Vest laughs and tells Chekov to go ahead and try. Chekov shoots, but nothing happens. The smart vest is stun-proof. "Must be the radiation," Chekov says, then tosses the phaser to Smart Vest (way to leave future technology in past hands, there, Chekov. Hasn't ANYONE on that crew seen Terminator 2? ["Or remember when McCoy left his communicator behind in 'A Piece of the Action'?" -- Keckler]) as the violins of light-hearted chase music gear up. Chekov dashes (as much as someone wearing leather pants can "dash") down the hallway as the PA system announces to the ship that there is an intruder on board. No one in the hallway even notices Chekov or cares, though. They just keep walking nonchalantly, because that's what Nimoy told them to do, and extras aren't paid to disobey the director's orders. Even as heavily-armed guards run after Chekov, no one on the Wessel crew even stops to watch. Chekov makes it to the upper deck, but then he falls off of it, landing on his back on another deck about twenty feet below. Crunch! "Man down!" announces one of his pursuers.