MONDO EXTRAS

Bring us on home, Sara!

The S.S. Booty rockets through the cosmos. Kirk trots onto the bridge and takes his seat. Back in Engineering, Scotty tells Kirk he's giving him all the power he can. Kirk asks Spock if it will be enough, to which Spock replies that they probably won't even be able to escape the sun's gravity. Sulu calls out their speed (a pitiful warp 8.1!) and Spock requests thruster control because it's his turn to save the day. Kirk jiggles. Spock works his magic. The ship zips around the sun.

Of course, it totally makes it around the sun, although it would be kind of funny if after all this, the ship just crashed into the sun and everyone died and the Earth was doomed. We go forward in time, which fortunately does not require another trip through Kirk's naked-man- and pond-flora-filled subconscious.

All is calm on the Bridge. Kirk wonders where they are, and a dimming of the ship's lights answers his question: they're back in the twenty-third century, underneath a power-sucking screechy soda can and a volleyball. Spock says the computers are down, and Chekov adds that ship control is gone as well. By the way, Chekov is still wearing his hospital scrubs, and they are an improvement over the leather suit he was wearing earlier. Sulu still has the cape, however. They'd have to pry that out of George Takei's cold, dead hands.

The S.S. Booty appears to be crashing through Earth's atmosphere, and there is no way to control it. "My God, Jim, where are we?" Bones asks, always a little slower than the rest to catch on. Kirks says they have no idea and no control over the ship.

Hey! It's Starfleet Command! Long time no see. Remember this scene? They've just lost communication from Kirk, and all their windows broke, despite the futuristic squeegee's best efforts. "Look!" says Sarek, whose amazing Vulcan eyes spot the S.S. Booty even as it hurtles through the sky at what I'm sure is extremely fast speed.

Although, suddenly, the ship isn't "hurtling" so much as it is "going really slowly." This is very fortunate for the crew, because they had no way to stop the ship and it's approaching the San Francisco Bay. They fly under the Golden Gate Bridge, luckily not hitting it even though, again, they have no idea where they are or the ability to control the ship, and make a nice, soft landing in the water. Sparks going flying on the bridge as a tiny model of the S.S. Booty comes to a halt in the bay's choppy seas. Kirk figures out, somehow, that they've landed in the water and orders Spock to blow the hatch. And I guess they should all cross their fingers that they've landed on Earth and not, like, Venus, where blowing the hatch would result in their deaths from the poisonous Venetian air. Kirk exposits that all they have to do now is get the whales into the water before the ship sinks. He calls down to Engineering, but there is no response. Kirk orders the crew off the ship. McCoy and Chekov most chivalrously give Uhura a hand up the ladder. Where's Sulu? That's right: he already got the hell off that ship, refusing to obey the "women and children" rule because Sulu is a jerk. A creepy jerk.