Fourth TOS Movie? The Hell It Is!
Kirk swims out the bay doors, his fake hair gently waving in the water as he does so. Starfleet Command should have used Kirk's toupee glue on their windows. They never would have broken. Kirk finally makes it to the surface, gasping for air as Spock gives him a hand up. Uhura asks about the whales. "Haw!!!" Annie screams, which is cetaceanologist for "oh, look!" She points out the big whale-fin-shaped piece of rubber gliding by them. Everyone is happy. "OVER THERE!" Kirk exclaims, pointing to another fake whale fin because he has to out-whale-watch Annie.
Kirk and Spock are totally holding hands as Kirk wonders why the whales aren't singing to the probe. "Screech! Screech!" says the probe. "Holy fucking shit, we're dead," say various people in the Starfleet Command Center. "Moooweeeeoooommmmmbbbb!" says the file footage of two humpback whales. Wilson and Can just sit there all, "Wait, what was that? Excuse me?" "Meeeerrrreeeeeee! Meeeeee!" says File Footage (translation: "Oh my god you guys, you would not believe what just happened to us! We were swimming in this crap tank and this horrible blonde lady was always coming around and talking to us and pissing us off, and then they let us go, so we were swimming in the ocean, and that was awesome, when all of a sudden, we're in an even smaller tank, and that freaking blonde is there AGAIN, and then we get released into this new ocean where the weather is really nasty. We are so glad to hear a friendly screech!"). Wilson and whales talk some more, and then Wilson is like, "You guys are fine then? Oops, we thought all the whales were dead and we were pissed and tried to destroy the planet. I guess we jumped the gun. Our bad!" Wilson is sucked into the can and it takes off, shrieking as it goes.
Back in the water, one of the "whales" waves at the crew, and they're psyched. The rainy clouds rapidly disappear, thanks to sped up reverse footage. Power is restored to the Starfleet Command Center. "Mr. President, we have power," Captain Obvious says. In the sunlight, Kirk and Ko. watch more file footage of whales. They laugh and cheer and start jumping into the water, because what better way to celebrate saving the world than taking a dip in its polluted waterways? But I do love this scene, so I'll try not to bitch about it too much. Scotty belly-flops into the water, and I could make another mean joke about him displacing the entire Pacific Ocean, but again, I'm trying to be positive. The only person not in the water is Spock, although Kirk looks anxious to change that. The file footage waves some more, and then Kirk grabs Spock and they fall into the water together, on top of each other. Spock surfaces and shouts and I believe Nimoy breaks character and laughs. ["Apparently, Shatner went all crazy pushing and pulling people in the water, so they're all laughing for reals." -- Keckler] The whales take off to live a life of total seclusion, as they are the only members of their species in the known universe. What a great place to raise their soon-to-be-born child!