Fourth TOS Movie? The Hell It Is!
Kirk has a plan: "Spock could the humpbacksanswer tothiscall?" And could they simulate humpback noises and play them for the probe? Spock nixes the idea; they don't know what the humpback/probe language is and would be talking in gibberish. Kirk asks if they can find humpback whales on any other planet. Perhaps there are some over at SeaWorld: Centuri 5? Unfortunately, no: Spock says they can only find humpback whales on Earth, in the past. Kirk says they'll just have to kick some probe ass, then. Spock, ever the pessimist, says there's no point to even trying that; the probe would drain their power like it did to the other ships that went after it. Kirk asks for alternatives. Spock's got one: they could try to find a humpback whale. McCoy doesn't like where this is going at all. "Spock startyourcomputations for time warp!" Kirk orders.
Meanwhile, Starfleet Command is still having problems. Hey! There's Lwaxana Troi, ordering someone to give power to the medical facilities. It's either her or Nurse Chapel. Or the Computer. Or the first officer on Captain Pike's ship. Or whatever the hell other roles Majel slept her way into on this franchise. Did I say "slept"? I meant "auditioned." A team of men in orange jumpsuits runs in holding a futuristic-looking squeegee thing and prop it up against the windows to keep them from breaking. They should have just used masking tape. It worked for my family during Hurricane Gloria.
Kirk asks Scotty if he can convert an empty cargo bay into a water tank. Well, it's not totally empty -- I think this is the Klingon ship's attic, with all the dust and boxes. There's even a dress mannequin in the corner. Wait, that's not a dress mannequin, that's Bones! I knew it was him because mannequins don't look so angry. Scotty asks Kirk if he's trying to build a pool on their ship or something. Kirk says he actually wants a hot tub, and one big enough to fit himself and all his lady friends. And also two humpbacks. "Humpbacked people?" Scotty asks, wondering if even Kirk could be that desperate. Kirk explains that they're looking for whales, and leaves with Bones trailing behind him. Bones exposits Kirk's plan to Kirk -- in case he forgot, I guess. By the way, Bones thinks Kirk's plan to attempt to go back in time, find some whales, get them on the ship, and then go back to the future! (tm Christopher Lloyd) on the slim chance that the whales might be able to communicate with the probe and tell it to leave Earth alone is insane. Just in case you thought this would be the one time where Bones was all "a mission involving danger and a journey into the unknown? Sounds great!" Kirk asks Bones if he has any better ideas. Well, he can't have any that are worse.