MONDO EXTRAS
Fourth TOS Movie? The Hell It Is!
Back at Starfleet, the roof is leaking. Apparently we still haven't found a cure for shoddy workmanship in the future. Starfleet receives an incoming message from Kirk, but the weather has made it all garbled. Even so, they hear enough of the message to know that Kirk is taking his ship back in time to get some whales. Then all the windows break and everyone freaks out. Except Sarek, who looks bored.
The S.S. Booty roars towards the sun! Inside, Kirk asks Spock where in time they're going. Spock can only say the late twentieth century; he couldn't make any calculations more specific than that, and most of the ones he used were from memory anyway. Kirk can't believe that Spock remembered all those calculations, but if he didn't think Spock knew all that stuff, why did he assign him this task in the first place? McCoy mutters, "Angels and ministers of grace, defend us," to which Spock responds by telling him exactly which Shakespeare play he's quoting from, and which act and scene it appears in. I have upsetting flashbacks to the quote identification quizzes I used to have during my college Shakespeare class. Kirk tells the crew to get the ship ready for awesomeness, then spouts his own Shakespeare quote because he just can't be outdone by anyone in anything ever.
Sulu puts the ship in warp. Around Warp 4, stuff starts falling off the counters. At Warp 6, the ship starts shaking. Man, those Klingons just don't know how to build solid ships anymore. At Warp 9.6, Chekov just stops working entirely and sits back to watch the action. At Warp 9.8, the wall next to Uhura explodes. But she's okay, which is good, because how could the crew possibly function without a keystone like Uhura?













Comments