Subvulcanean Homesick Blues
Jingle bells shake from somewhere. Spock bangs the coffin gong again, and a fancy procession processes in, carrying some woman in a chair. Kirk hisses at Bones to ask if he knows who that is. Bones doesn't. "T'Pau, the only person to ever turn down a seat on the Federation council," Kirk The Know-It-All says. ["And don't forget that she had a single, 'Heart and Soul,' in the Top Forty back in '87." -- Sars] We now see an older woman dressed in ceremonial garb, with her black hair twisted and piled in some high Vulcan style. In addition to her black tresses, she also has two white braids making a "V" in front and back of the hairdo. "T'Pau, officiating at Spock's wedding?" Bones wonders. "He never mentioned that his family was this important," Kirk says, grinning. T'Pau is put down, and she raises her hand in the Vulcan greeting. Spock approaches, his fingers likewise separated. He kneels before her, and she places her hand on his face -- reading his thoughts? T'Pring looks snotty. Spock stands up, and T'Pau says, "Spoke [don't look at me -- that's what it sounded like], is our ceremony for outvolders?" She's got a better accent than Chekov. Probably because it's a real one. Spock explains that they are his friends, and he has a right to have them there with him. T'Pau raises her hand, and Kirk and Bones approach. T'Pring looks still looks snotty. Spock introduces Kirk. "Ma'am," Kirk says, inclining his head slightly. Spock doesn't introduce Bones. T'Pau looks at him and says, "And thee are called?" "Leonard McCoy, ma'am," Bones says, bowing. "Thee names these outvolders flends. How does thee pledge their behavior?" T'Pau wonders at Spock. Spock tells her he pledges with his life. T'Pring continues to look snotty. T'Pau tells them that what they are about to witness "coomes down from the time of zee beginning -- weethout change. Theese ees the Wulcan heart. Theese ees the Wulcan soul. Theese ees our vay," T'Pau informs them, and throws out her arm and points. "Kaliffarr!" she announces, and two Vulcans begin rattling their bells on abacuses. "Kaliffarr"? Isn't that what the scary dude chants in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom before he attempts to rip out Indiana's heart? Spock walks to the coffin gong. T'Pring darts after him, and before Spock can be a contestant on The Gong Show, T'Pring holds up her hand and announces, "Kaliffee!" Spock looks back at T'Pau in rage. With T'Pring still posed, hand up, he walks toward T'Pau, but is stopped by a large guard with a large weapon. Spock tosses the gong mallet on the ground and stomps off to the wall, where he proceeds to roll his eyes back into his head. We keep getting shots of a weird-looking Vulcan male whose ears are far too big for his head. I think he's going to Be Important Later. Also, I don't like T'Pring. She may be gorgeous, but I'm getting the feeling she's kinda stuck up.