This recap is sponsored by the capacious purse of Ma Keckler, which felt the need to stock up my liquor cabinet before she left the most opinionated zip code in the U.S. She may not get all the references in my recaps, but she certainly knows what keeps them going. So, tonight I'm mixing myself a nice Bombay Sapphire Qui-Gon Gin and Tonic. I'm also hauling out several crusty baguettes because The Boursin Of Overacting is in creamy, tasty, spreadable evidence in this episode. Although I have to say I'm starting to rethink my choice of drink. Maybe it's time to change poisons. Has anyone ever heard of that Italian drink called strega? Apparently, there's a witch on the bottle, and if two people drink it together, they never drink it apart. I heard about it in an old Ginger Rogers movie. I wonder if Strega knows about strega. I wonder where I can get it. I wonder if I can put off pressing play any longer.
For more than a thousand generations, the spacemen were the guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy. Before the dark times. Before the Plato. The Enterprise is responding to "desperate distress calls from an unknown planet." As usual. Kirk, Spock, and Bones beam down to a place with pillars (one is always so hard-pressed to remember if they're Doric or Corinthian) and marble busts. Spock is perplexed by the distress calls, since he found no signs of life on the planet. Kirk's Captain's Logarithm continues, "It is rich in Kironide deposits. A very rare and long-lasting source of great power." Which, after this episode, will never, ever be mentioned again. Once they solidify, the away team is greeted by a booming voice: "Are you from the spaceship Enterprise?" Silently, the away team looks around and spies a formidable shadow cast against a red-lit wall. Kirk approaches the red light district (stay away from the light, Carol Ann!) and tells him that's who they are. The shadow shrinks as the owner of the booming voice advances and appears as a little person in toga gear, introducing himself, "Alexander, at your service. I sing, I dance, I play all varieties of games and I'm a good loser, a very good loser. Please, try to bear that in mind." Kirk's a good loser too. No wait, he's just a loser. You know, scratch that, because after suffering through a whole season of Captain Quantum, it has become difficult for me to dislike Kirk. Alexander informs them that they are Platonians, whose native star, Sahndara, went nova a millennium ago. They managed to escape and relocate to this planet, which they call Platonius. "Our leader liked Plato's ideas. Plato, Platonius, see?" Alexander explains. Good thing his leader didn't happen to glom onto the teachings of the god of love, Eros. Then they'd be living on planet Erroneous. Heh. Heh. Oh, shut up. "In fact our present philosopher-king, Parmen, sometimes calls us Plato's Children. Although we sometimes think of ourselves more as Plato's stepchildren," Alexander says, grinning nervously. Abruptly, Alexander is jerked out of the room by some unseen force, and he shouts back that someone is waiting for the Enterprise crew.